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AppId is over the quota
type='html'>I booked a fill.
Yesterday I ate a lot. I ate a half bag of ready prepared salad leaves with Salmon and beetroot and then followed it with a yoghurt... Now, that was a big salad. Actually I put the salad in the serving bowl and just kept it right in there and added dressing and 4 chopped beetroot and the piece of hot salmon and ate it right from the dish. It was a B I G salad.... but I finished it with a yoghurt.
Yesterday evening I did a BBQ. It was nearly raining... spots here and there, you know. So I cooked up 16 sausages, 6 quorn fillets, fried some onions and boiled some new potato's. DH, DS and Sue all had hot dogs in buns with new potatoes, and I PUT 3 quorn fillets on my plate and some new potatoes. I ate 2 of the fillets, DS nicked one and of the 3 that were left over - the cats pinched one of them. Later on at about 8:30 I finished off what was left of the potatoes and the fillets.
Ok, all of this food today was completely allowed on slimmingworld - Free food in fact - Salad, fish, potato, quorn, beetroot... but its not the kind of diet I envisaged after banding.
Thankfully I know there is nothing wrong with my band like there was last time. I still have 'restriction' to a degree, but to be honest maybe what I think restriction is... isn't!
I think of restriction being - 'I cant eat another bite or I will puke' so I will wait a bit and then eat some more. Well, this is the case if I eat too fast or don't chew. But maybe restriction really is 'I cant eat another bite because I am full'. This doesn't happen. I could happily continue eating until the cows come home. So considering that I am eating way too much, have been gaining weight steadily (unless doing a diet) its got to be time to see Wendy again.
Had a row with the National Insurance office today too. Honestly what is wrong with the world. I did my tax return the day the self assessment form came through, realised that I had paid NI all last year when actually I didn't need to because I was earning under the threshold. I wrote to them and asked for a refund. The was 6th April. I called about mid May asking if there was any news... "It gets sorted in the beginning of June" I was told. Ok. So I called back last Monday and they said the refund was issued 28th April for £89.70.
So, it DOESN'T get sorted the beginning of June, and also where the hell is my cheque then? That's over 5 weeks ago. She said "I will have to check the cheque has not been cashed, and then they will re-issue it."
I rang back today to see if there had been a problem and the chap said "Well it's not our department. It says it was issued, so .... bal bla bla" but as I was proper GRIEVED he gave me the number for another department who deal with issuing refunds.
She said "Oh, it looks like it was actioned but never issued. I will look into it. But the computers are off as of next week for a fortnight..."
What the hell???? Seriously man. Anyway, she did have the grace to ring me back and tell me that the cheque had in fact NOT been issued, so she had done it for me today, but it would STILL take about 2 weeks to get to me.
*sigh*
Right Hand meet Left Hand and get to know one another PLEASE!
But, hey when it does arrive, at least it will pay for my fill!!
Monday, September 2, 2013
Boy Oh Boy
AppId is over the quota
AppId is over the quota
type='html'>What a week. I know I was not too worried about the lack of scale movement this week... or should I say the wrong kind of scale movement... but right now i am pre menstrual and in need of a boost. It better give me something tomorrow or I am going to feel really crap. this week has not been bad, I have stayed ok, eating small portions, having protein shakes and drinking plenty of fluids, keeping off the dreaded Red Wine (well except for one bottle!! Hic!) and allowing myself to have treats when and if I want them, but in moderation. I think this weeks treats have just been cheese and chilli sauce on a couple of occasions, 1 small bag of minstrels (yeah, they are yummy little shiny shelled chocolate saucers about the size of a button!) and the wine.
That's not a lot when you consider that everything else I have consumed has been low fat, high protein & low calorie in sensible bandit portions. Sooooo I am expecting to lose this week. What I don't want to happen is that I start the curse this evening or something awful and the weightloss not show up because of water retention or something like that. I suffer bad with periods, and almost always gain water weight, and this is the one week I really need to feel good about my band... otherwise I am know I am going to want to consume B&J's Phish food, other chocolate products and high calorie junk because I am TOTM and depressed about weightloss.
There's no need to beat me up over it - I KNOW i shouldn't do it... but I know I WILL feel like it. That's just honesty. What I need is a cheer on for tomorrow. I am kind of like "Oh, I hope I lose weight tomorrow... wheres the pudding?" you know? Eating because I am nervous, which is just the typical catch 22 of us serial over eaters... We know its the last thing that will help, but we do it anyway.
So am hoping that a loss, even of a 1lb will help me keep on the straight and narrow this week when I am at my most vulnerable.
Its like I am on the verge of somethign incredibly big here, and it's all starting to work... I feel like Macaulay Culkin in Home Alone "This is it. Don't get scared now..."
AppId is over the quota
type='html'>What a week. I know I was not too worried about the lack of scale movement this week... or should I say the wrong kind of scale movement... but right now i am pre menstrual and in need of a boost. It better give me something tomorrow or I am going to feel really crap. this week has not been bad, I have stayed ok, eating small portions, having protein shakes and drinking plenty of fluids, keeping off the dreaded Red Wine (well except for one bottle!! Hic!) and allowing myself to have treats when and if I want them, but in moderation. I think this weeks treats have just been cheese and chilli sauce on a couple of occasions, 1 small bag of minstrels (yeah, they are yummy little shiny shelled chocolate saucers about the size of a button!) and the wine.
That's not a lot when you consider that everything else I have consumed has been low fat, high protein & low calorie in sensible bandit portions. Sooooo I am expecting to lose this week. What I don't want to happen is that I start the curse this evening or something awful and the weightloss not show up because of water retention or something like that. I suffer bad with periods, and almost always gain water weight, and this is the one week I really need to feel good about my band... otherwise I am know I am going to want to consume B&J's Phish food, other chocolate products and high calorie junk because I am TOTM and depressed about weightloss.
There's no need to beat me up over it - I KNOW i shouldn't do it... but I know I WILL feel like it. That's just honesty. What I need is a cheer on for tomorrow. I am kind of like "Oh, I hope I lose weight tomorrow... wheres the pudding?" you know? Eating because I am nervous, which is just the typical catch 22 of us serial over eaters... We know its the last thing that will help, but we do it anyway.
So am hoping that a loss, even of a 1lb will help me keep on the straight and narrow this week when I am at my most vulnerable.
Its like I am on the verge of somethign incredibly big here, and it's all starting to work... I feel like Macaulay Culkin in Home Alone "This is it. Don't get scared now..."
Ramp it up
AppId is over the quota
AppId is over the quota
type='html'>Well it's September and who would have thought that I would have had a relatively good year since I decided to sort my stuff out.
I haven't lost oodles and oodles, but I have lost 10kgs - 22lbs. That's not bad. I feel a heap better than what I weighed last September that's for sure. There seems to be a weight cutoff for me that I just feel so awful that I end up doing something about it. 122kgs seems to be about my limit.
The first time I got to that kind of weight I started this blog and slimmingworld and eventually, when that didnt work, I got the band. The second time I got to that weight was last September. Not a good feeling. I did have a FABULOUS eating fest though between April and September when Albert was totally de-filled! MMMmmm I remember those days!
I am trying to remember how I felt to be that fat though. Hot, sweaty, puffy and uncomfortable. Ugly, not feminine or sexy in any way. Worried about dying of a stroke, looking like a loser who can't make good choices for themselves etc. Feeling like people looked at me as being ill educated too. Like I was so dumb that I didn't understand how to feed myself properly. Being verbally abused by kids at the park...
I felt horrible at that weight. I felt humiliated and embarrased and sick to my stomach. I felt worse last September than I did when I started my blog back in 2005 too... I think mainly because I was 5 years older, 5 years sicker with Lupus and it was just plain wrong to be carrying that kind of weight about.
I need to ramp this up though. I have stagnated now for a couple of months around the same weight. Losing 1/2 a kilo a month is pretty freaking poor show really.
We have had a LOT of takeaway food. The week before last EVERY evening meal was take out. Chinese, Fish and Chips, Curry, Pizza, Kebab... you name it. I don't know why but it was just so busy and I was shattered and no one complained about dialling dinner. But that has to stop - if not only because my wallet is empty!!
In about 4 months we are going to be going on holiday again. We are looking at anywhere that is cheap, leaves on Christmas Day and is hot - even though I wont be able to sunbathe which is gutting.
It looks like Tenerife or Lanzarote. Both of which I have been to before, and they are fine. I would love to go somewhere with a bit of culture, sight seeing etc but DH wants to have a relaxing holiday rather than a driving about one, or a carting all over the place one. He wants to lie on his back for 2 weeks, and who can blame him!!
So that's 4 months to try and lose a bit more weight and see if I can look a bit better in a cozzy this year than last. Last xmas when we went to Fuertaventura I succumbed to buying a hideously expensive and ugly swim dress. Yes, it really had got that bad. I hadn't worn a swim dress since my bulk before the band... but it was a serious state of affairs and a normal cozzy or bikini was beyond imaginable.
This year it would be nice to not feel like a total whale and maybe wear a bikini again. Yeah, I know I am no twiggy, but I don't see why wearing a bikini rather than a onepiece has to mean you gotta be scrawny. I felt so much better in a Bikini than a onepiece. Theres nothing worse than peeling off a twangy tight wet onepiece in the ladies lavs to have a piddle and then trying to put it on again, cold and wet; stretching in all the wrong places and feeling rancid to the n'th degree.
The last time I wore a bikini was in Crete when I was a little over 17 stone - about 107kgs (only 4 kgs away!!!) - so it's not out of the question that I could do that in four months.
I am going to give it a big push and see what I can achieve. I am going to aim low and go for 1/2 a kilo a week. That means hopefully 8 kgs before xmas. I think that is a good target to aim for. I would then be around 103kgs (under 17 stone) and nearly under 100kgs, which would be nice progress. I want to get stuck in this year. The lowest I have ever got is 98kgs and I felt $1,000,000!!!
Although I have been banded for over 4 and a half years, I really do feel like this thing has been working properly now for the last year and Jane at www.gastricbandfill.com is the one to thank for that. She has given me a lot of confidence, and let me decide on how much fill to have, or not have. I have got it just about right.
I have a perfect fill level for me at the moment. I am NEVER hungry, and I am only not losing weight because of the stupid choices I am making with my food and drink.
I still have to chuck sometimes and its all too much, I even had a day last week where I could - for absolutely NO REASON whatsoever- eat a single thing, or drink a drop of liquid at all!!
To this day I find the band a fickle son of a bitch and it's name - Albert Ladysmith Steptoe - is still as apt as the day I named him!
So, big push here we come!! I am going to use the daily plate again too to keep track of stuff. I find it much more useful to see where my calories are going and if I am getting enough protein and other nutrients.
Lunch today is a jacket potato with Tuna mayo. Mmmm.
OMG, just realised that if I lose 1/2 kilo a week from here on in... I will be back to my lowest weight (98 kilos) in 26 weeks... that's like mid February!!!!!!!!!!!! lets see shall we!
AppId is over the quota
type='html'>Well it's September and who would have thought that I would have had a relatively good year since I decided to sort my stuff out.
I haven't lost oodles and oodles, but I have lost 10kgs - 22lbs. That's not bad. I feel a heap better than what I weighed last September that's for sure. There seems to be a weight cutoff for me that I just feel so awful that I end up doing something about it. 122kgs seems to be about my limit.
The first time I got to that kind of weight I started this blog and slimmingworld and eventually, when that didnt work, I got the band. The second time I got to that weight was last September. Not a good feeling. I did have a FABULOUS eating fest though between April and September when Albert was totally de-filled! MMMmmm I remember those days!
I am trying to remember how I felt to be that fat though. Hot, sweaty, puffy and uncomfortable. Ugly, not feminine or sexy in any way. Worried about dying of a stroke, looking like a loser who can't make good choices for themselves etc. Feeling like people looked at me as being ill educated too. Like I was so dumb that I didn't understand how to feed myself properly. Being verbally abused by kids at the park...
I felt horrible at that weight. I felt humiliated and embarrased and sick to my stomach. I felt worse last September than I did when I started my blog back in 2005 too... I think mainly because I was 5 years older, 5 years sicker with Lupus and it was just plain wrong to be carrying that kind of weight about.
I need to ramp this up though. I have stagnated now for a couple of months around the same weight. Losing 1/2 a kilo a month is pretty freaking poor show really.
We have had a LOT of takeaway food. The week before last EVERY evening meal was take out. Chinese, Fish and Chips, Curry, Pizza, Kebab... you name it. I don't know why but it was just so busy and I was shattered and no one complained about dialling dinner. But that has to stop - if not only because my wallet is empty!!
In about 4 months we are going to be going on holiday again. We are looking at anywhere that is cheap, leaves on Christmas Day and is hot - even though I wont be able to sunbathe which is gutting.
It looks like Tenerife or Lanzarote. Both of which I have been to before, and they are fine. I would love to go somewhere with a bit of culture, sight seeing etc but DH wants to have a relaxing holiday rather than a driving about one, or a carting all over the place one. He wants to lie on his back for 2 weeks, and who can blame him!!
So that's 4 months to try and lose a bit more weight and see if I can look a bit better in a cozzy this year than last. Last xmas when we went to Fuertaventura I succumbed to buying a hideously expensive and ugly swim dress. Yes, it really had got that bad. I hadn't worn a swim dress since my bulk before the band... but it was a serious state of affairs and a normal cozzy or bikini was beyond imaginable.
This year it would be nice to not feel like a total whale and maybe wear a bikini again. Yeah, I know I am no twiggy, but I don't see why wearing a bikini rather than a onepiece has to mean you gotta be scrawny. I felt so much better in a Bikini than a onepiece. Theres nothing worse than peeling off a twangy tight wet onepiece in the ladies lavs to have a piddle and then trying to put it on again, cold and wet; stretching in all the wrong places and feeling rancid to the n'th degree.
The last time I wore a bikini was in Crete when I was a little over 17 stone - about 107kgs (only 4 kgs away!!!) - so it's not out of the question that I could do that in four months.
I am going to give it a big push and see what I can achieve. I am going to aim low and go for 1/2 a kilo a week. That means hopefully 8 kgs before xmas. I think that is a good target to aim for. I would then be around 103kgs (under 17 stone) and nearly under 100kgs, which would be nice progress. I want to get stuck in this year. The lowest I have ever got is 98kgs and I felt $1,000,000!!!
Although I have been banded for over 4 and a half years, I really do feel like this thing has been working properly now for the last year and Jane at www.gastricbandfill.com is the one to thank for that. She has given me a lot of confidence, and let me decide on how much fill to have, or not have. I have got it just about right.
I have a perfect fill level for me at the moment. I am NEVER hungry, and I am only not losing weight because of the stupid choices I am making with my food and drink.
I still have to chuck sometimes and its all too much, I even had a day last week where I could - for absolutely NO REASON whatsoever- eat a single thing, or drink a drop of liquid at all!!
To this day I find the band a fickle son of a bitch and it's name - Albert Ladysmith Steptoe - is still as apt as the day I named him!
So, big push here we come!! I am going to use the daily plate again too to keep track of stuff. I find it much more useful to see where my calories are going and if I am getting enough protein and other nutrients.
Lunch today is a jacket potato with Tuna mayo. Mmmm.
OMG, just realised that if I lose 1/2 kilo a week from here on in... I will be back to my lowest weight (98 kilos) in 26 weeks... that's like mid February!!!!!!!!!!!! lets see shall we!
I'm so excited about....Hawaii!
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AppId is over the quota
type='html'>
I just got off the phone with my niece that lives in North Pole, Alaska (near Fairbanks, AK). It's currently -32 degrees (that's below zero). We're planning a girls' trip to Hawaii in March, my two nieces, my sister and myself. We kind of talked about it when I was there in December, but we decided to make it happen. It's going to be super fun.
The only trick is I have to be back by March 20 for the Big Climb, and we plan on leaving for Hawaii March 11.
I haven't gone on a "girls only" trip since college!
I skipped the gym this morning, on purpose. I've only had two days off in the last 16 days. I had a 7:30 a.m. breakfast date with my two best girlfriends at IHOP (ugh!). I had the Slim and Fit Mushroom and Tomato Omelet with fresh fruit for 5 Points (330 calories). It was actually pretty good, and I had them use egg substitute so maybe even a little less on the calories.
I love that they put the calories on the menus now. I think that's just about the coolest thing ever. Of course, it was only calories (and my girlfriends' breakfasts were 1,200 calories each!). I still had to go to the website to get all the nutritional info for the Points calculation. The calories alone really helped me make a good choice.
Even though no gym today, I managed to walked our 60 steps of stairs at work during lunch, twelve times, or 720 steps. Part of my training plan for the Big Climb is to do this twice a day (in addition to my gym workout). The Big Climb is 1,311 steps, with no stops. I'm a little worried about what I got myself into with this thing. I just hope I don't totally embarrass myself and need a medic to resuscitate me when I'm halfway to the top!
About Hawaii, I've been to the islands many times in my life, maybe eight or nine. I can't really remember for sure, but it's been a lot. Remember, I'm from Alaska and that's where people from Alaska go for a vacation. Also, I've worked for an airline for 27 years. I even went to college over there for a year. I totally and completely love Hawaii. And I love my sister and nieces so this trip is going to be a blast!
Now not only do I have to get in shape for the Big Climb, but also for the beach!
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type='html'>
The only trick is I have to be back by March 20 for the Big Climb, and we plan on leaving for Hawaii March 11.
I haven't gone on a "girls only" trip since college!
I skipped the gym this morning, on purpose. I've only had two days off in the last 16 days. I had a 7:30 a.m. breakfast date with my two best girlfriends at IHOP (ugh!). I had the Slim and Fit Mushroom and Tomato Omelet with fresh fruit for 5 Points (330 calories). It was actually pretty good, and I had them use egg substitute so maybe even a little less on the calories.
I love that they put the calories on the menus now. I think that's just about the coolest thing ever. Of course, it was only calories (and my girlfriends' breakfasts were 1,200 calories each!). I still had to go to the website to get all the nutritional info for the Points calculation. The calories alone really helped me make a good choice.
Even though no gym today, I managed to walked our 60 steps of stairs at work during lunch, twelve times, or 720 steps. Part of my training plan for the Big Climb is to do this twice a day (in addition to my gym workout). The Big Climb is 1,311 steps, with no stops. I'm a little worried about what I got myself into with this thing. I just hope I don't totally embarrass myself and need a medic to resuscitate me when I'm halfway to the top!
About Hawaii, I've been to the islands many times in my life, maybe eight or nine. I can't really remember for sure, but it's been a lot. Remember, I'm from Alaska and that's where people from Alaska go for a vacation. Also, I've worked for an airline for 27 years. I even went to college over there for a year. I totally and completely love Hawaii. And I love my sister and nieces so this trip is going to be a blast!
Now not only do I have to get in shape for the Big Climb, but also for the beach!
Lab results from the thyroid biopsy
AppId is over the quota
AppId is over the quota
type='html'>No thyroid cancer! Woohoo!
I was pretty sure I didn't have thyroid cancer. Everything I read indicated it would be okay, 95% of these nodules are benign (but I had several), and if the thyroid is functioning properly (mine is fine) then there's even less chance of cancer.
When my doctor called today to give me the results I was a little nervous. Because I thought the technician that did my ultrasound that is deaf but sweet as can be, told me, or I thought she told me, that they would mail the results if it was good news and call me if it was bad news. So when I got the call I had a mini-panic attack and thought the call meant bad news.
It's all good and I guess I shall live a little longer. At least I don't have thyroid cancer which is definitely a good thing.
The only thing that concerns me now is seeing the endocrinologist. Since I have so many nodules on my thyroid there's some medication they want to give me to help stop them from growing and possibly shrink them. If they continue to grow they could become cancerous, or I could wind up with a big, ugly goiter on my neck (wouldn't that just suck?).
I've worked to hard to be off of any kind of medication, except my asthma meds (Advair), but I rarely even use it anymore. I've been off my blood pressure medicine for over a year. Oh well, I guess it's just part of life, getting older and things start going haywire. Even if I do have to take thyroid medication for the nodules it would be better than cancer or an ugly goiter growing out the side of my neck. Things could be worse.
AppId is over the quota
type='html'>No thyroid cancer! Woohoo!
I was pretty sure I didn't have thyroid cancer. Everything I read indicated it would be okay, 95% of these nodules are benign (but I had several), and if the thyroid is functioning properly (mine is fine) then there's even less chance of cancer.
When my doctor called today to give me the results I was a little nervous. Because I thought the technician that did my ultrasound that is deaf but sweet as can be, told me, or I thought she told me, that they would mail the results if it was good news and call me if it was bad news. So when I got the call I had a mini-panic attack and thought the call meant bad news.
It's all good and I guess I shall live a little longer. At least I don't have thyroid cancer which is definitely a good thing.
The only thing that concerns me now is seeing the endocrinologist. Since I have so many nodules on my thyroid there's some medication they want to give me to help stop them from growing and possibly shrink them. If they continue to grow they could become cancerous, or I could wind up with a big, ugly goiter on my neck (wouldn't that just suck?).
I've worked to hard to be off of any kind of medication, except my asthma meds (Advair), but I rarely even use it anymore. I've been off my blood pressure medicine for over a year. Oh well, I guess it's just part of life, getting older and things start going haywire. Even if I do have to take thyroid medication for the nodules it would be better than cancer or an ugly goiter growing out the side of my neck. Things could be worse.
Back
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AppId is over the quota
type='html'>Camping was cool... in the real sense on the word. It threw it down with rain and thunder and lightening for the first night - thankfully after we put up the awnings though!
It was so heavy we could not even hear ourselves talking, but rhythmic enough to fall asleep. To be fair, I think I would have fallen asleep anywhere that night I was so tired.
We didn't get to be until 1:30am because of setting the folding trailer up and getting everything straight inside and then cooking the lunches for the next day. So that I could stay on track with my diet pretty much I made pasta salads each day, a snack bar, yoghurt and chopped melon.
The pasta salads alla slimmingworld were:
Pasta spirals
tuna
chopped onion
chopped olives
spoonful extra light mayo
Pasta spirals
Puttanesca sauce - Cooked at home and taken with us(Red peppers, chilli, Onion, Black Greek olives, tuna (hate anchovy!), pine nuts, tomato, capers)
Pasta spirals
Passata
chopped onion
Parmesan
Very uninteresting, but all doable with one gas ring in a tiny caravan.
In the evening however, we ate out. On Thursday we had Fish and chips en-route. I have 2 fishcakes and a few chips. Haven't had them for ages and it was goooooood. Then Friday we went to pizza hut. I had mixed olives to start with, a small thin pizza and NO PUDDING!!!!!! GO ME!
Saturday night we went to Nando's with some Friends and I had a very random meal. Nando's is all about chicken really and how spicy you want it. Well, I had Olives and garlic, Hummous, Green Salad, ratatouille, Chicken livers. The Olives came in a dish on their own, The humous came with about 60 chopped pitta breads, The Ratatouille came in a little dish too, the salad was like a handful of lettuce greens on a huge bowl/plate (the plate was warm too.... a pet hate is having salad on a warm plate. That's just rubbish), and the chicken livers win a luscious creamy spicy gravy were on their own too. So the Banded Lady at the table actually had FIVE dishes on the table. Well, I just dumped each dish on top of the lettuce bowl and Bingo! Salad of the year.
Oh man... the chicken livers, ratatouille, olives and garlic and humous all on a salad is the best combo and dinner out I have had in a long long time. It was heaven. I was on a roll and I did order the GAWJUS caramel cheesecake and ate every tiny crumb and enjoyed each and every delicious mouthful!
Then Sunday night we got a quick happy meal from McDonald's for the drive home. I got mozzarella dippers and a cheeseburger. When we arrived back at the ranch, Sue had made a full Roast dinner - Lamb and all the trimmings! Phew, so I knocked that back too. It was ace.
So it was with a little dread that I approached the weighbridge yesterday morning. I gained 1 and a half pounds! That was all!! I was really really pleased.
Obviously to people in the world at large, I must stress that it might sound like I ate a lot of food, but the portions were all very small in reality. DH ate much more than I did, and also put on 5 pounds, even considering he was on Slimfast milkshakes during the day! So the band is a limiter I guess. I also have to go so slowly to eat normal food, that its not such a problem. That little fill has done me the world of good as it just slowed me down that little bit more.
Not that its not a battle still because I don't feel like the band has restricted my intake of normal fattening foods at all. I could easily put on weight each week, so I need to keep with slimmingworld to lose weight, but what the band has done is slow me down, make me less prone to snacking and not feeling hungry between meals.
Maybe that's the perfect solution. This time last year I could not eat much of anything as it was so tight, but I am tighter now that last year, and I am going fine.
I just find the whole band thing a very weird experience.
So, we continue...
AppId is over the quota
type='html'>Camping was cool... in the real sense on the word. It threw it down with rain and thunder and lightening for the first night - thankfully after we put up the awnings though!
It was so heavy we could not even hear ourselves talking, but rhythmic enough to fall asleep. To be fair, I think I would have fallen asleep anywhere that night I was so tired.
We didn't get to be until 1:30am because of setting the folding trailer up and getting everything straight inside and then cooking the lunches for the next day. So that I could stay on track with my diet pretty much I made pasta salads each day, a snack bar, yoghurt and chopped melon.
The pasta salads alla slimmingworld were:
Pasta spirals
tuna
chopped onion
chopped olives
spoonful extra light mayo
Pasta spirals
Puttanesca sauce - Cooked at home and taken with us(Red peppers, chilli, Onion, Black Greek olives, tuna (hate anchovy!), pine nuts, tomato, capers)
Pasta spirals
Passata
chopped onion
Parmesan
Very uninteresting, but all doable with one gas ring in a tiny caravan.
In the evening however, we ate out. On Thursday we had Fish and chips en-route. I have 2 fishcakes and a few chips. Haven't had them for ages and it was goooooood. Then Friday we went to pizza hut. I had mixed olives to start with, a small thin pizza and NO PUDDING!!!!!! GO ME!
Saturday night we went to Nando's with some Friends and I had a very random meal. Nando's is all about chicken really and how spicy you want it. Well, I had Olives and garlic, Hummous, Green Salad, ratatouille, Chicken livers. The Olives came in a dish on their own, The humous came with about 60 chopped pitta breads, The Ratatouille came in a little dish too, the salad was like a handful of lettuce greens on a huge bowl/plate (the plate was warm too.... a pet hate is having salad on a warm plate. That's just rubbish), and the chicken livers win a luscious creamy spicy gravy were on their own too. So the Banded Lady at the table actually had FIVE dishes on the table. Well, I just dumped each dish on top of the lettuce bowl and Bingo! Salad of the year.
Oh man... the chicken livers, ratatouille, olives and garlic and humous all on a salad is the best combo and dinner out I have had in a long long time. It was heaven. I was on a roll and I did order the GAWJUS caramel cheesecake and ate every tiny crumb and enjoyed each and every delicious mouthful!
Then Sunday night we got a quick happy meal from McDonald's for the drive home. I got mozzarella dippers and a cheeseburger. When we arrived back at the ranch, Sue had made a full Roast dinner - Lamb and all the trimmings! Phew, so I knocked that back too. It was ace.
So it was with a little dread that I approached the weighbridge yesterday morning. I gained 1 and a half pounds! That was all!! I was really really pleased.
Obviously to people in the world at large, I must stress that it might sound like I ate a lot of food, but the portions were all very small in reality. DH ate much more than I did, and also put on 5 pounds, even considering he was on Slimfast milkshakes during the day! So the band is a limiter I guess. I also have to go so slowly to eat normal food, that its not such a problem. That little fill has done me the world of good as it just slowed me down that little bit more.
Not that its not a battle still because I don't feel like the band has restricted my intake of normal fattening foods at all. I could easily put on weight each week, so I need to keep with slimmingworld to lose weight, but what the band has done is slow me down, make me less prone to snacking and not feeling hungry between meals.
Maybe that's the perfect solution. This time last year I could not eat much of anything as it was so tight, but I am tighter now that last year, and I am going fine.
I just find the whole band thing a very weird experience.
So, we continue...
21 years of marriage
AppId is over the quota
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type='html'>It's really hard to buy an anniversary card for your husband when you're angry with him. Like, pretty much impossible.
Note to self: Let go of the anger.
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type='html'>It's really hard to buy an anniversary card for your husband when you're angry with him. Like, pretty much impossible.
Note to self: Let go of the anger.
Post-frosting report
AppId is over the quota
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type='html'>Your comments on my frosting confession were so sweet (ha! pun intended). Seriously, you make me feel like I'm not such a freak for some of the stupid stuff I do.
I've put the frosting incident behind me, probably literally behind me as I'm sure it's planted itself on my big fat butt. I threw the other half of the can away when I saw the expiration date. It really didn't taste very good anyway. It was a sweet, chemical bitter taste, that's the only way I can describe it. Maybe it was the expiration date, maybe that's just the way it tastes. Regardless, it's gone.
I know I'll never be "cured" of this obesity disease. Sometimes I feel so strong, like I've conquered it. Then I have moments, sometimes hours or days or weeks (even months and years) where it consumes me. All I can think about is getting my next fix. If I succumb, like I did with the frosting, then I'm filled with remorse. I know this is a disease of some kind, maybe a disease of the mind or the body, I'm not sure. What I am sure of is that it's a sickness that's hell to be cursed with, and I will be fighting it every day of my life.
Putting all that aside, back to my 15 pounds in 15 weeks. I'm working on my plan to get there. It's four parts, Food, Exercise, Weight Watchers (living it for real), and the last part, not really about losing the weight, but it's called "stepping outside of myself". More on the plan later. I'm actually excited about it.
Busy day today, the refrigerator man is coming this morning. We've been using the garage refrigerator for two weeks, very annoying.
I've been given the task of getting emisisons testing on his truck. First time in our almost 21 years of marriage he's trusting me with this task. I know, silly, but he thinks it's a man thing to have an emissions test done. Anything car-related is his "job". Since two "man-jobs" need to be done today, he chose staying home to "make sure the repairman does the job right". So I get to take his truck in for an emissions test.
I also "get" to take my car in for an oil change. Something I've only done once in 21 years. It's not that I mind doing this stuff, it's just that my husband has always done it.
I feel like a big girl today, in the good sense of that term. I get to do car stuff .
Happy almost 4th!
AppId is over the quota
type='html'>Your comments on my frosting confession were so sweet (ha! pun intended). Seriously, you make me feel like I'm not such a freak for some of the stupid stuff I do.
I've put the frosting incident behind me, probably literally behind me as I'm sure it's planted itself on my big fat butt. I threw the other half of the can away when I saw the expiration date. It really didn't taste very good anyway. It was a sweet, chemical bitter taste, that's the only way I can describe it. Maybe it was the expiration date, maybe that's just the way it tastes. Regardless, it's gone.
I know I'll never be "cured" of this obesity disease. Sometimes I feel so strong, like I've conquered it. Then I have moments, sometimes hours or days or weeks (even months and years) where it consumes me. All I can think about is getting my next fix. If I succumb, like I did with the frosting, then I'm filled with remorse. I know this is a disease of some kind, maybe a disease of the mind or the body, I'm not sure. What I am sure of is that it's a sickness that's hell to be cursed with, and I will be fighting it every day of my life.
Putting all that aside, back to my 15 pounds in 15 weeks. I'm working on my plan to get there. It's four parts, Food, Exercise, Weight Watchers (living it for real), and the last part, not really about losing the weight, but it's called "stepping outside of myself". More on the plan later. I'm actually excited about it.
Busy day today, the refrigerator man is coming this morning. We've been using the garage refrigerator for two weeks, very annoying.
I've been given the task of getting emisisons testing on his truck. First time in our almost 21 years of marriage he's trusting me with this task. I know, silly, but he thinks it's a man thing to have an emissions test done. Anything car-related is his "job". Since two "man-jobs" need to be done today, he chose staying home to "make sure the repairman does the job right". So I get to take his truck in for an emissions test.
I also "get" to take my car in for an oil change. Something I've only done once in 21 years. It's not that I mind doing this stuff, it's just that my husband has always done it.
I feel like a big girl today, in the good sense of that term. I get to do car stuff .
Happy almost 4th!
Might as well
AppId is over the quota
AppId is over the quota
type='html'>It's been a while. Nothing much has been up, but nothing much has been good either. Getting used to not going out in the sun has been a bitch, even though there hasn't been many good sunny days. The ones there have been - picnics and boat rides... have had to be cried shy of and it's making me feel like total scum.
Now, top this...
and yes, I am sure you are all going to think that I am pulling your leg... but alas no -
I have a tumor on my foot.
For heavens sake man.
My life sucks one big fat hairy hole at the moment.
I just thought it was another lupus/bunny load of rubbish achey crud, but not.
So I have to have an op on my foot where they cut the sucker out. 2 inch gash either on top (cutting through the tendons that hold my little toe bone to the next one in) or 2 inch gash on the bottom (resulting in inability to walk for 6 weeks)
I have however lost the piddliest bit of weight, guess that's a good thing, but am about to embark on my favorite pastime of the day - dinner.
I don't eat all day as it's just not worth the frigging hassle, and eat at night.
One meal a day and you would assume the weight would be begging to leave... but sadly my body likes to hate me and my fat cells seem all together too comfy on my carcass for my liking.
that's where we are at... keeping it real, trying to eat less, gym has been given up until surgery is over as apparently "you should not have been exercising with this tumour Mrs. Bunny" well WHO KNEW???
anyways, love to all
x bunny x
startled in the headlights, but still alive
AppId is over the quota
type='html'>It's been a while. Nothing much has been up, but nothing much has been good either. Getting used to not going out in the sun has been a bitch, even though there hasn't been many good sunny days. The ones there have been - picnics and boat rides... have had to be cried shy of and it's making me feel like total scum.
Now, top this...
and yes, I am sure you are all going to think that I am pulling your leg... but alas no -
I have a tumor on my foot.
For heavens sake man.
My life sucks one big fat hairy hole at the moment.
I just thought it was another lupus/bunny load of rubbish achey crud, but not.
So I have to have an op on my foot where they cut the sucker out. 2 inch gash either on top (cutting through the tendons that hold my little toe bone to the next one in) or 2 inch gash on the bottom (resulting in inability to walk for 6 weeks)
I have however lost the piddliest bit of weight, guess that's a good thing, but am about to embark on my favorite pastime of the day - dinner.
I don't eat all day as it's just not worth the frigging hassle, and eat at night.
One meal a day and you would assume the weight would be begging to leave... but sadly my body likes to hate me and my fat cells seem all together too comfy on my carcass for my liking.
that's where we are at... keeping it real, trying to eat less, gym has been given up until surgery is over as apparently "you should not have been exercising with this tumour Mrs. Bunny" well WHO KNEW???
anyways, love to all
x bunny x
startled in the headlights, but still alive
Oh Sweet relief - 3 hour choke over
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type = 'html' > OH MY
type = 'html' > OH MY
I just spent the last 3 hours choking; Let me set the scene.
It what is 4 pm. DH and DS are getting ready to go for a bike ride. They shout cheerio, and off they go slamming the door behind them. I am the on http://www.lapbandtalk.com/ looking up everything I can about lapbands now that I am the all interested again now... since mine might actually works(!)
I got up, went to the fridge, grabbed some houmous and then went to the pantry and grabbed a box of finn crisp slims. Ripping open the packet and yanking off the top of the houmous whilst reading some other thread or I to tuck in.
I had 3 crackers and 1/5th pot of houmous. Felt a bit chokey and clogged. So I stopped.
All seemed fine, just a bit blocked up, but not like anything before when I have had to lean over the sink etc. Spent another 15 minutes or so on the computer looking at stuff, and then the boys came back. Up and started to get the things i ready to make got dinner.
I what making a lasagna. I made the mince sauce and then the white sauce and started laying the pasta in the dish etc. We are about 45 minutes post crackers at this point. DS wanted to help make the lasagna, so I let him put the pasta sheets on, and DH grated the cheese in between the layers as I HATE grating cheese (EEEEwwww) and so we called it a family lasagna. However, DS what mess dithering about and making a right, and I what feeling * dodgy * and slimy in the mouth. so I told him to run along and I quickly finished the lasagna. By the time I had put the last layer on it and DH what grating the final lot of cheese on it, my head in the kitchen sink amongst the grotty empty mince meat, packet garlic crusher, coffee cups and veg peelings. I what spewing slime for England and the pain in my back which is crushing.
I got DH to bash my back like Hey what burping a lead baby and it helped to ease the pain, but nothing p it I got the lasagna in the oven and wandered about a bit. what it so strange. I sat on the sofa and looked up some stuff on DH's laptop as he what in the classroom with DS playing 2 player games across the Internet by this time. So I what sitting feeling really weird, and hot and flustered, and I got a bowl and just put it under my mouth. The saliva started pouring again. It what hours 6:30 2 since the crackers. I felt hard and Fahad. I needed to be in the quiet. Had come back into the front room DS and DH, were making so much noise talking and the temple and all that stuff... I just HAD to get out of there. I took myself off upstairs and sat on the toilet seat with my head in the sink. At 6:45 I called Dee. I couldn 't take anymore and I didn' t know what to do with myself. She find what amazing godsend to me. She what right listening to me foaming at the mouth, having one hiccups and spitting and puking and telling me it wants there in the bathroom on hands-free pass. I what so glad. She then told me it what's gonna get worse after the hiccups. The hiccups move the stuck food you see. It got worse just like she said, and I wanted to DIE. It what like I what gonna choke to death. I what talking all funny, I couldn't breathe and the PAIN! Then puke! Up came a bolus of something - I thought I must have swallowed a golf ball and missed it hidden under the crackers or something as that's what this what it felt like, but just a soft little bolus of half digested cracker paste.
Then, as I what doubled over banging my foot on the floor for DH to come upstairs watch my death throws, and Dee is on the phone saying "its ok, honest", I felt relief.
Phew... then I felt faint and thought I what gonna pass out, and then I got the shakes. totally uncontrollable. The adrenaline that pumped through my body in that time what is untrue.
It what 7:30 pm and it all over. 3 hours choking on a cracker when I wasn't particularly hungry is NOT something I want to repeat in a hurry.
So guys, its has never happened before, and I now know what it coverall like to have restriction.
YYEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!
Dee reminded me that when I last saw her, I what is frustrated and angry that my band what is not working and I said "I just want to PB, and choke and be restricted." Well, that wish came true! Something is definitely going to happen now and I feel excited beyond belief about that! THANK YOU GOD.
So today's food:
1 weetabix
1 piece of Spanish omelette
3 finn crisps and 1/5 tub houmous
1 Tesco healthy living toffee yoghurt (i am the about to try this)
Total calories: 637
All I can say is wow.
Desperate to jump on the scales...
AppId is over the quota
AppId is over the quota
type='html'>I am desperate to. I just wanna know if I have lost any more weight! It's all I think about... I even take a drink to bed with me so that I can have a drink instantly in the morning so it puts me off of weighing myself.
AppId is over the quota
type='html'>I am desperate to. I just wanna know if I have lost any more weight! It's all I think about... I even take a drink to bed with me so that I can have a drink instantly in the morning so it puts me off of weighing myself.
Yes, I am crazy.
Jumping on and off the scales is NOT good for me. I have been so good, but I always get to Wednesday and I can't take it any more.
'So jump on!', I hear you scream.
'So jump on!', I hear you scream.
No, its not good because if its the same weight, then I will be really disheartened and sabotage myself. If its a gain I will be gutted. If its a loss... well that's cool, but I am too worried about the other two to just go for it.
Thankfully I am only obsessing about the scales. Everything else is seemingly normal.
Food wise, I still have monster restriction. I am not tempted to be an idiot and eat crap. I am making meals every day, and eating a varied diet.
Today's food
Breakfast: 1 mouthful of pancake, puked up 10 minutes later.
Snack: banana
Lunch: Chicken curry and rice
Dinner: Chicken casserole... well a bit of it.
And here's what was left when I had finished. took me the best part of 40 minutes to eat.
This was such a lovely dinner too...
Sweet potato, Onion, Carrot, lentils, Potato chicken breast cubes and stock.
Y U M
So that's me done for the day. I don't know how many calories the casserole has, but it didn't have any extra fat or anything... just veg and water. The rest of my food for today adds up to about 300 calories, so I guess I am under 500 today.
So even though I keep worrying that I am going to start putting on weight, or that my portion sizes are getting bigger, or any other paranoid thoughts, everything seems to be going swimmingly.
I wish SO much that my band never went wrong. Its really stressing me out. I am so close to being 16 stone 3, where I was end of last May... I know its dumb as anything, but I cant help but feel like its going to go wrong, or its going to just stop working, or something.
I never realised how much this is still affecting me really. I think once I am past that 16 stone 3 mark, I will start to relax and really settle my heart on the prospect of actually achieving my goal weight...
I can't wait until the next 3 pounds are over with.
That's another reason why I am so eager to get on those scales.
Cookin' on gas!
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AppId is over the quota
type='html'>
AppId is over the quota
type='html'>
Hello my lovelies. You will be pleased to know that my new found enthusiasm for my silicone buddy has NOT waned. We are in Luuuurve.
It's a few days since fill #13 now and have discovered more things about things that help things (um... yeah!?!).
You can look at what I have been eating if you are that bothered by clicking on my Today I Ate... page. Its mostly been a liquid diet with a little soft food and mushy food yesterday.
I am impressed with this fill. I am not hungry and I am able to stick to my own regime of eating and being happy with what I am eating. What I have discovered through the beauty of having a blog, is that if I had the money, I could have been here a good 6 months ago.
Let me explain. I have to pay £85 each time I go for a fill or un-fill. It also takes 2 and a half hours to drive to Harley Street where the clinic is. It costs about £30 in petrol. So all in all I am looking at roughly £100 a throw. There are other clinics, but Birmingham and London are the nearest to me, but equidistant. I wish there was one in Cambridge, but there isn't - there seems to be a big gap for the East Anglian Lap Banded Population and I am kind of glad I don't live in Norwich or somewhere because that would mean a 4 and a half hour journey to either of the nearest places. Wow. So, I have to deal with that. I had this operation and I knew I would need follow up... but not quite so much maybe.
So £100 a throw is actually quite difficult for us to find. Especially if it was each month. It usually takes me a good couple to scrape it together, or I put off going until I know I have a flush month coming up. I am self employed so I either have to miss work, or make it on a Sunday. I can't always choose Sunday as the clinic is full, so sometimes I have to miss work.
All this means that I don't go to a follow up with Wendy for weigh in a chat as often as I would like to... I simply can't afford to go every other Sunday to London. I also have a life. So if I HAD had the opportunity this year, I would have gone back and back and back until it was sorted... so any of you considering buying an aftercare package and think its a lot of money... DO IT! I wish I had. It would have saved me not only money, but brain pain. The simplicity that would have come from just hopping into the car and motoring down, getting a check up/fill/un-fill having already paid in advance would have been magic. Get the package.
I didn't - and so I paid the price of being at the same point for a WHOLE YEAR. I can hardly believe it. Thankfully I have this blog so that I can see all the little peculiarities and nuances of life after lap band. Let me explain.
5th October 2008 - 7mls in my band. 16 stone 8lbs (232)
This wasn't quite enough but life and unforeseen occurrence meant that I passed the 2 week "come back and get a squeeze in for free" window. So I went back.
18th January 2009 - 0.5ml fill taking me to 7.5mls... 16stone 9lbs (233)
Wendy gave me a 0.5ml fill taking me to 7.5mls, but as she went to take the needle out the syringe snapped and I lost a teeny bit of fluid from the band. It didn't seem much but I didn't notice any significance after this fill so I went back within the 2 week window and got a top up for free (still cost £30 in petrol though grrr) hence:
2nd February 2009 - find only have 7mls in band (last fill lost down tummy.) 0.5ml in taking me to 7.5mls for real. 16stone 6lbs (230)
The 3 pound loss in 2 weeks was due to general dieting but after this fill I felt quite a dramatic reaction and noticed the difference in restriction. What do I do? I don't work with it, and end up eating something stupid which irritates my stomach so much it wont resolve - can't drink let alone eat - so I find myself going for an emergency un-fill 2 weeks later:
14th February (Ironically my 2 YEAR BAND-IVERSARY) 0.7ml un-fill taking me to 6.8ml. 16stone 4 (228)
So I now had less in my band than I did in October. These 3 trips to London severely damaged the wallet. January was payable, the top up was free, the un-fill was payable and 3 trips to London = £90 too.
So I spent £300 getting to be Less Restricted, less filled with 0.2mls less in my band than I had in October. Why? Because I didn't follow the rules and think about what I was doing.
Anyhow, I simply couldn't afford to go back again for a few months because of these 3 trips and I had to just deal with limited restriction. For me its not just a case of Money, but also time, and pain. Each fill hurts like someone has knifed me, and with 3 weeks on the trot of stabbings - I was in need of a break. A long break. I don't like having fills because of these factors, and put them off because of this.
Then in June I finally scraped both enough money and willpower to go back. Because of having limited restriction and leaving it a few months I had also re-gained all the weight lost meantime and was back to 17 stone 1 (239) - an 11 pound weight hike.
22nd June 2009 - 0.2 ml Fill taking me back to 7mls in my band. Weight 17st 1lb (239).
I rejoined Slimmingworld at this point too and decided I would stop eating when I was full and try a little harder to do this thing. However, the fill still wasn't enough... I still had the same amount as I had back in October when it wasn't enough then. I had lots of things going on, and a summer holiday to get through (8 week cash famine), so again it was a while until I could rake the resources and time to go back:
21st September 2009 - 0.5ml Fill taking me to 7.5mls. Weight 16 st 13lbs (237).
So here I am at the 7.5mls mark again. This is where I hit panic back in February, but this is the time I am going to make it work. In a year I have messed around at the same fill levels, and the same weight... but I am 5 pounds heavier now than I was on October 5th 2008. I am determined to weigh less this October 5th.
I will NOT mess this up again and I am going to play by the rules. Its amazing keeping this blog to see over time how fills react and what is too low, what is going to keep you roughly the same and what is going to help you lose.
For me, anything lower than 7mls means I gain. 7mls means I keep roughly the same, so 7.5mls will be in the region I want to be. If necessary, and I find that I struggle with food, I could have a weeny bit out, but I am going for this now. Next October I want to be significantly less and working this band to kingdom come.
I dug out my post surgery diet and I might give it a go and see what happens. Certainly after I had my initial surgery, I lost a lot of weight before it breaking, and I was following it. So hey, why not give it another crack. Something in me feels like 'this is it' like I have hit the big time and we are cooking on gas.
Am I okay?
AppId is over the quota
AppId is over the quota
type='html'>Am I okay? That's a hard to question to answer. I guess you'd have to define "okay".
Life is hard. Lately, my life has been harder than it should be, or at least, harder than I'm use to experiencing.
Since my last post:
I thought my sweet 8-year old kitty, Tommy, a gorgeous black and white short hair, was battling a bad case of pneumonia for the last three months. After five vets and many office visits and tests, two weeks ago he was diagnosed with Stage V Lymphoma. The fifth vet I took him to finally figure why all the antibiotics weren't working for the pneumonia. He told me Tommy only had a few days left. Within twelve hours Tommy had a seizure at 3am as I was petting him. I had to take him to the emergency vet in the middle of night and say my final goodbyes to him. It was horrible.
Last week I was granted permanent guardianship for my sister by the state of Alaska. Sounds like a good thing, right? My sister consumes me. Trying to take care of her financial situation she left behind in Alaska, which is extraordinary, is like having a part-time job. Making sure my sister's physical needs are met, checking on her during the week, talking to her caregivers (occupational therapist, physical therapist, the owner of her home, etc. etc. etc.) is time consuming. Because of the guardianship, I have to document every move I make regarding my sister, every decision I make for her, account for every penny I spend of her money on her many expenses. I have to keep detailed records which I update every day. Some weeks there are as many as 50 tasks I handle on her behalf The Excel spreadsheets I've been keeping are ridiculous. This is required by the state, and it takes a lot of time.
I love my sister, I want her to be happy and well-taken care of, but even though she's in a beautiful adult family home with wonderful care-givers, there are still a lot of tasks to attend to for her. I have no choice in this matter. I couldn't live with myself if I let her become a ward of the state, which was the only other option.
The Vulnerable Adult Order of Protection was awarded by the court last week, against my niece. I knew I had to do this, but you can't imagine how awful it makes me feel, to keep my niece away from her mother. It's necessary, but heart-breaking at the same time.
Work is more stressful than normal. I have a deadline that is set by a government mandate, which means there can't be a delay on this project. It's a very complicated project, and frankly, I'm not sure I can complete my part of it in time to meet the deadline. That scares me.
My eating had been horrible for two weeks. I got up to 197.2. I was terrified and angry with myself. I finally got back on track about two weeks ago and actually was able to cut out sweets completely, started eating fresh fruit and vegetables again. I was feeling great.
Then I came down with a horrible cold a week ago. I stayed home two days, sneezing and coughing. It was just a cold, but I was miserable. I didn't exercise at all last week until Thursday, and again Friday. Then the weekend came and again, my sister came first, I came last. I just didn't have time for the gym.
I spent several hours with my sister on Saturday, dealing with a problem she was having with the new splints she has to wear on her paralyzed arm and leg. It was quite the ordeal, with her crying and screaming. She was extremely upset. I finally figured out the problem, but it took hours. Remember, she talks all the time, but no one can understand her. When she has a problem, she lets me know it, but figuring it out is something else. It requires a lot of time and a lot of patience.
Then again today, we spent several hours together as I took her on a little car trip, just me and her. It was her first car trip since the stroke, almost six months ago. We had frozen yogurt at Gibson's in Tacoma, and then went down to the waterfront for a while, just watching the people. Next, we drove by her new dentist's office (where' we'll be going on Thursday). It was a really good day for both of us. I like doing this stuff with her, but it just takes a lot of time out of my life.
So, what's the verdict. Am I okay? Not really. I'm tired. Worn out. Not exactly feeling "okay". At least not by my definition of okay.
It will get better, I guess. Someday, I'll be okay again.
AppId is over the quota
type='html'>Am I okay? That's a hard to question to answer. I guess you'd have to define "okay".
Life is hard. Lately, my life has been harder than it should be, or at least, harder than I'm use to experiencing.
Since my last post:
I thought my sweet 8-year old kitty, Tommy, a gorgeous black and white short hair, was battling a bad case of pneumonia for the last three months. After five vets and many office visits and tests, two weeks ago he was diagnosed with Stage V Lymphoma. The fifth vet I took him to finally figure why all the antibiotics weren't working for the pneumonia. He told me Tommy only had a few days left. Within twelve hours Tommy had a seizure at 3am as I was petting him. I had to take him to the emergency vet in the middle of night and say my final goodbyes to him. It was horrible.
Last week I was granted permanent guardianship for my sister by the state of Alaska. Sounds like a good thing, right? My sister consumes me. Trying to take care of her financial situation she left behind in Alaska, which is extraordinary, is like having a part-time job. Making sure my sister's physical needs are met, checking on her during the week, talking to her caregivers (occupational therapist, physical therapist, the owner of her home, etc. etc. etc.) is time consuming. Because of the guardianship, I have to document every move I make regarding my sister, every decision I make for her, account for every penny I spend of her money on her many expenses. I have to keep detailed records which I update every day. Some weeks there are as many as 50 tasks I handle on her behalf The Excel spreadsheets I've been keeping are ridiculous. This is required by the state, and it takes a lot of time.
I love my sister, I want her to be happy and well-taken care of, but even though she's in a beautiful adult family home with wonderful care-givers, there are still a lot of tasks to attend to for her. I have no choice in this matter. I couldn't live with myself if I let her become a ward of the state, which was the only other option.
The Vulnerable Adult Order of Protection was awarded by the court last week, against my niece. I knew I had to do this, but you can't imagine how awful it makes me feel, to keep my niece away from her mother. It's necessary, but heart-breaking at the same time.
Work is more stressful than normal. I have a deadline that is set by a government mandate, which means there can't be a delay on this project. It's a very complicated project, and frankly, I'm not sure I can complete my part of it in time to meet the deadline. That scares me.
My eating had been horrible for two weeks. I got up to 197.2. I was terrified and angry with myself. I finally got back on track about two weeks ago and actually was able to cut out sweets completely, started eating fresh fruit and vegetables again. I was feeling great.
Then I came down with a horrible cold a week ago. I stayed home two days, sneezing and coughing. It was just a cold, but I was miserable. I didn't exercise at all last week until Thursday, and again Friday. Then the weekend came and again, my sister came first, I came last. I just didn't have time for the gym.
I spent several hours with my sister on Saturday, dealing with a problem she was having with the new splints she has to wear on her paralyzed arm and leg. It was quite the ordeal, with her crying and screaming. She was extremely upset. I finally figured out the problem, but it took hours. Remember, she talks all the time, but no one can understand her. When she has a problem, she lets me know it, but figuring it out is something else. It requires a lot of time and a lot of patience.
Then again today, we spent several hours together as I took her on a little car trip, just me and her. It was her first car trip since the stroke, almost six months ago. We had frozen yogurt at Gibson's in Tacoma, and then went down to the waterfront for a while, just watching the people. Next, we drove by her new dentist's office (where' we'll be going on Thursday). It was a really good day for both of us. I like doing this stuff with her, but it just takes a lot of time out of my life.
So, what's the verdict. Am I okay? Not really. I'm tired. Worn out. Not exactly feeling "okay". At least not by my definition of okay.
It will get better, I guess. Someday, I'll be okay again.
Bad weekend eating made for a difficult workout
AppId is over the quota
AppId is over the quota
type='html'>If I ever thought what I ate didn't affect my workout, I was proven wrong this morning.
I was at the gym by 5:40am. It was a struggle getting out of bed. I was groggy, tired, grumpy, and even gave a passing thought to just staying in bed. I somehow managed to get up, get dressed and out the door. I've been doing this consistently for many months so I'm pretty much on auto-pilot in the mornings.
Once at the gym, I climbed onto the StairMaster stair climbing system and thought 'I don't want to do this'. It was hard. REALLY hard. Harder than it's ever been for me. I always start at level 6 and increase a level every five minutes for thirty minutes until I'm at level 10 for the last five minutes. I thought I was going to die this morning. I had a pain in my side and my heart felt like it was going to burst right out of my chest. It was the most difficult workout I've had in months, maybe even years (I've been doing this for 17 months).
I did my upper body workout, adding in a new exercise I found on a blog, and I can't remember which blog. I read so many that I forgot to mark it, but if you read this, thank you! It's a great website for strength training. The exercise is the Dumbbell Arnold Press. It's a variation of the dumbbell military press that I've been doing in my upper body workouts.
I did seven upper body exercises, three sets each, increasing weight and decreasing reps for each exercise (most of them I start at 15 reps, then 12, then 8 on the heaviest weight). It took 45 minutes, and it was pure and absolute TORTURE!
I got through it and I'm glad I did, but it was extremely difficult. Was the fun of eating whatever I wanted over the weekend worth the pain of my workout this morning? That's an emphatic NO! It was totally not worth it at all.
I'm back full force this morning. Healthy eating, staying within my Points limit, absolutely no alcohol - ever! Water, tons and tons of water today to get these toxins out of my body. I'm feeling strong, like I can this.
Every day we get to have a do-ever. Screwed up it the last two days? Do it right today. That's where I am right now. Thank goodness I'm back.
AppId is over the quota
type='html'>If I ever thought what I ate didn't affect my workout, I was proven wrong this morning.
I was at the gym by 5:40am. It was a struggle getting out of bed. I was groggy, tired, grumpy, and even gave a passing thought to just staying in bed. I somehow managed to get up, get dressed and out the door. I've been doing this consistently for many months so I'm pretty much on auto-pilot in the mornings.
Once at the gym, I climbed onto the StairMaster stair climbing system and thought 'I don't want to do this'. It was hard. REALLY hard. Harder than it's ever been for me. I always start at level 6 and increase a level every five minutes for thirty minutes until I'm at level 10 for the last five minutes. I thought I was going to die this morning. I had a pain in my side and my heart felt like it was going to burst right out of my chest. It was the most difficult workout I've had in months, maybe even years (I've been doing this for 17 months).
I did my upper body workout, adding in a new exercise I found on a blog, and I can't remember which blog. I read so many that I forgot to mark it, but if you read this, thank you! It's a great website for strength training. The exercise is the Dumbbell Arnold Press. It's a variation of the dumbbell military press that I've been doing in my upper body workouts.
I did seven upper body exercises, three sets each, increasing weight and decreasing reps for each exercise (most of them I start at 15 reps, then 12, then 8 on the heaviest weight). It took 45 minutes, and it was pure and absolute TORTURE!
I got through it and I'm glad I did, but it was extremely difficult. Was the fun of eating whatever I wanted over the weekend worth the pain of my workout this morning? That's an emphatic NO! It was totally not worth it at all.
I'm back full force this morning. Healthy eating, staying within my Points limit, absolutely no alcohol - ever! Water, tons and tons of water today to get these toxins out of my body. I'm feeling strong, like I can this.
Every day we get to have a do-ever. Screwed up it the last two days? Do it right today. That's where I am right now. Thank goodness I'm back.
Doing what I know best, resolution #3
AppId is over the quota
AppId is over the quota
type='html'>Resolution #3 is Lose Weight. Easy peasy, right? I've done it before, many times over the years. The problem is really two-fold: losing the weight is only half the battle, keeping off the lost weight is part two of the battle. Part two is where I always struggle. Not that losing weight in the first place is easy, it's not, but maintaining the loss, now there's a real challenge.
I've been watching my weight creep up the last few months, now I'm 22 pounds above my lowest weigh-in last year. I have all kinds of excuses but none of them matter. What matters is where I am right now.
How am I going to get "there" from "here"? Here being 178 pounds and there being 145pounds (my new goal weight). That's 33 pounds of fat that I need to lose.
1. Journal. I know it sounds easy and it is easy. It's also a big old pain in the butt, but at the same time, it's a necessary evil. Journal and lose weight, don't journal and gain weight. Hmmm...which shall I chose?
2. Back to the Weight Watcher meetings. Tomorrow I'll be back, along with the multitudes. I'm dreading the official weighin, but it is what it is.
3. Actively try to figure out what is wrong with me. I have food issues, and I don't know why. I do know I'm not normal when it comes to food. I don't look at food as sustenance, but as pleasure, which is a totally screwed up view of food.
I'm reading a new book, The end of overeating. It talks about "hyereating" and I totally get what the author is talking about. Not everyone can relate, but I do. I can't wait to get to the Food Rehab section. Maybe I'll find some answers.
That's just a start. I have a long way to go to get this figure out. I thought I knew it all, when actually, I know practically nothing.
AppId is over the quota
type='html'>Resolution #3 is Lose Weight. Easy peasy, right? I've done it before, many times over the years. The problem is really two-fold: losing the weight is only half the battle, keeping off the lost weight is part two of the battle. Part two is where I always struggle. Not that losing weight in the first place is easy, it's not, but maintaining the loss, now there's a real challenge.
I've been watching my weight creep up the last few months, now I'm 22 pounds above my lowest weigh-in last year. I have all kinds of excuses but none of them matter. What matters is where I am right now.
How am I going to get "there" from "here"? Here being 178 pounds and there being 145pounds (my new goal weight). That's 33 pounds of fat that I need to lose.
1. Journal. I know it sounds easy and it is easy. It's also a big old pain in the butt, but at the same time, it's a necessary evil. Journal and lose weight, don't journal and gain weight. Hmmm...which shall I chose?
2. Back to the Weight Watcher meetings. Tomorrow I'll be back, along with the multitudes. I'm dreading the official weighin, but it is what it is.
3. Actively try to figure out what is wrong with me. I have food issues, and I don't know why. I do know I'm not normal when it comes to food. I don't look at food as sustenance, but as pleasure, which is a totally screwed up view of food.
I'm reading a new book, The end of overeating. It talks about "hyereating" and I totally get what the author is talking about. Not everyone can relate, but I do. I can't wait to get to the Food Rehab section. Maybe I'll find some answers.
That's just a start. I have a long way to go to get this figure out. I thought I knew it all, when actually, I know practically nothing.
The best part of the Geneen Roth workshop
AppId is over the quota
AppId is over the quota
type='html'>It's midnight and once again, I can't sleep. Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever sleep again. Insomnia sucks.
Tonight I attended the first three hours of the Geneen Roth "Women Food and God" workshop. Tomorrow is eight more hours. Remember I read the book last July and got on the G.R. bandwagon. Quoting the book. Saying it was the best thing since sliced bread.
You may have (or may not have) noticed I stopped talking about her and the book. I sort of fell out of love with the whole idea of intuitive eating and Geneen.
I almost didn't even go to the workshop. Luckily I was able to make contact with a fellow blogger that lives in the area. I knew she was also attending the workshop. We'd never met but had exchanged a few emails over the last couple of years.
Meeting Grace was absolutely best part of the evening! Grace from Grace's Notes (and formerly from 55 Alive and Losing It). OH. MY. GOSH. I love her! It's like I've know her my entire life. She's funny as heck, super easy to talk to, and it was just like I had run into an old friend. It was super cool. Plus she's gorgeous! Beautiful blue eyes that sparkle, gorgeous strawberry blond hair. Sweet smile. And she's thin, but in a good, healthy way. Other than Geneen (who I think is too skinny), I think Grace was the healthiest looking person in the room of 800 women.
It's so funny to see pictures of someone on their blog, read about their thoughts and struggles with weight, read about their life and then to actually get to meet them in real life. Truly one of the best experiences of my life.
About the workshop, well, so far, I'm not sure what I think. Some of the things Geneen talked about make a lot of sense. Some of the visualization stuff she had us do made me cry. I think I sort of had a revelation about my compulsive overeating. All these years I said it was just because I love food. Something she had us visualize made me go holy cow! Okay, I really said "holy crap!" but I'm try to clean up my vocabulary. I think I know why I'm like this and have serious food issues. I'm still trying to absorb the whole thing and will write more about it later, once I figure out what it means and if having this new knowledge about myself is valuable. It's something I never thought about before, until tonight. Like I said, more on this later.
I guess I'll try to sleep now. I'm exhausted but not sleepy. I have to be back at the Seatac Hilton at 8am for the workshop. Hopefully I'll find a way to fix what is broken in me when it comes to my relationship with food.
AppId is over the quota
type='html'>It's midnight and once again, I can't sleep. Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever sleep again. Insomnia sucks.
Tonight I attended the first three hours of the Geneen Roth "Women Food and God" workshop. Tomorrow is eight more hours. Remember I read the book last July and got on the G.R. bandwagon. Quoting the book. Saying it was the best thing since sliced bread.
You may have (or may not have) noticed I stopped talking about her and the book. I sort of fell out of love with the whole idea of intuitive eating and Geneen.
I almost didn't even go to the workshop. Luckily I was able to make contact with a fellow blogger that lives in the area. I knew she was also attending the workshop. We'd never met but had exchanged a few emails over the last couple of years.
Meeting Grace was absolutely best part of the evening! Grace from Grace's Notes (and formerly from 55 Alive and Losing It). OH. MY. GOSH. I love her! It's like I've know her my entire life. She's funny as heck, super easy to talk to, and it was just like I had run into an old friend. It was super cool. Plus she's gorgeous! Beautiful blue eyes that sparkle, gorgeous strawberry blond hair. Sweet smile. And she's thin, but in a good, healthy way. Other than Geneen (who I think is too skinny), I think Grace was the healthiest looking person in the room of 800 women.
It's so funny to see pictures of someone on their blog, read about their thoughts and struggles with weight, read about their life and then to actually get to meet them in real life. Truly one of the best experiences of my life.
About the workshop, well, so far, I'm not sure what I think. Some of the things Geneen talked about make a lot of sense. Some of the visualization stuff she had us do made me cry. I think I sort of had a revelation about my compulsive overeating. All these years I said it was just because I love food. Something she had us visualize made me go holy cow! Okay, I really said "holy crap!" but I'm try to clean up my vocabulary. I think I know why I'm like this and have serious food issues. I'm still trying to absorb the whole thing and will write more about it later, once I figure out what it means and if having this new knowledge about myself is valuable. It's something I never thought about before, until tonight. Like I said, more on this later.
I guess I'll try to sleep now. I'm exhausted but not sleepy. I have to be back at the Seatac Hilton at 8am for the workshop. Hopefully I'll find a way to fix what is broken in me when it comes to my relationship with food.
Step 1 -- Casting on for left handers or paying attention to details
AppId is over the quota
AppId is over the quota
type='html'>After a rough start, the knitting project is going well. I came to the realization that I actually don't know how to knit. I've never knitted anything except for a few scarves and potholders, mostly when I was a kid. I tried to knit a pair of mittens a few years ago but the mitten was made for extraordinarily long hands (about two inches longer than my own hand).
My mother was very talented, she knitted sweaters, gloves, mittens, and hats. She tried to teach me but I didn't have much interest back then (about 40+ years ago...I think I was 11 or 12 at the time).
When I started my current knitting project, a simple scarf made out of this cool yarn, I had some problems.
The first step to any knitting project is casting on for the first row of stitches. For the life of me I couldn't remember how to start. I had a beginners book in my big box of yarn so I pulled it out and read this:
I still couldn't figure it out. I couldn't get that first loop to work. It seemed odd, kind of backwards to me. I finally faked it by tying the yarn around the needle and casting on the first row. From there it was easy, just a simple knit stitch, which I remembered how to do.
This morning I looked at the book again. The directions, as you can see from above says "Step 1 - casting on for left handers". Aha! I'm NOT left handed, I'm right handed! No wonder it seemed backwards to me. The right hander instructions were on the next page.
So what does this has to do with weight loss? Not paying attention to details has been my downfall lately. By lately I mean the past year.
I had a lot of weight to lose when I started February 2008. 100 pounds. The first 60 pounds were easy to lose. Then I lost my focus. I lost another 20pounds but it was a struggle. Then I gained back the 20 pounds, then I lost it again. Then I gained it, which is where I sit now.
My problem is my lack of attention to detail. I only track a few days a week. I don't always weigh and measure my food. I don't stay within my allowed Points. In other words, I'm wasting my time.
The real way to lose weight is to cut back on eating. Exercise is good for you but it won't make you lose weight. When you read how much you'd have to exercise to work off the calories of a single M&M you'll realize that you're not exercising to lose weight. It's one to two minutes of exercise to work off one M&M. Yes, exercise is good for your heart, your muscles, your bones, but it's not really a weight loss technique.
I'm living proof that it takes more than exercise to lose weight. I'm faithful to my workouts but I don't cut back on my eating. I don't eat junk, I eat healthy, nutritious food, but I eat too much.
Based on my new revelation (okay, it's not really new...I knew I was slacking), I'm changing my goals for the week to just two basic goals. Track my Points and stay within my limit. I've been making this a lot harder than it has to be.
Here's something I don't post very often. Me post workout today, where I was a sweaty mess.
AppId is over the quota
type='html'>After a rough start, the knitting project is going well. I came to the realization that I actually don't know how to knit. I've never knitted anything except for a few scarves and potholders, mostly when I was a kid. I tried to knit a pair of mittens a few years ago but the mitten was made for extraordinarily long hands (about two inches longer than my own hand).
My mother was very talented, she knitted sweaters, gloves, mittens, and hats. She tried to teach me but I didn't have much interest back then (about 40+ years ago...I think I was 11 or 12 at the time).
When I started my current knitting project, a simple scarf made out of this cool yarn, I had some problems.
The first step to any knitting project is casting on for the first row of stitches. For the life of me I couldn't remember how to start. I had a beginners book in my big box of yarn so I pulled it out and read this:
I still couldn't figure it out. I couldn't get that first loop to work. It seemed odd, kind of backwards to me. I finally faked it by tying the yarn around the needle and casting on the first row. From there it was easy, just a simple knit stitch, which I remembered how to do.
This morning I looked at the book again. The directions, as you can see from above says "Step 1 - casting on for left handers". Aha! I'm NOT left handed, I'm right handed! No wonder it seemed backwards to me. The right hander instructions were on the next page.
So what does this has to do with weight loss? Not paying attention to details has been my downfall lately. By lately I mean the past year.
I had a lot of weight to lose when I started February 2008. 100 pounds. The first 60 pounds were easy to lose. Then I lost my focus. I lost another 20pounds but it was a struggle. Then I gained back the 20 pounds, then I lost it again. Then I gained it, which is where I sit now.
My problem is my lack of attention to detail. I only track a few days a week. I don't always weigh and measure my food. I don't stay within my allowed Points. In other words, I'm wasting my time.
The real way to lose weight is to cut back on eating. Exercise is good for you but it won't make you lose weight. When you read how much you'd have to exercise to work off the calories of a single M&M you'll realize that you're not exercising to lose weight. It's one to two minutes of exercise to work off one M&M. Yes, exercise is good for your heart, your muscles, your bones, but it's not really a weight loss technique.
I'm living proof that it takes more than exercise to lose weight. I'm faithful to my workouts but I don't cut back on my eating. I don't eat junk, I eat healthy, nutritious food, but I eat too much.
Based on my new revelation (okay, it's not really new...I knew I was slacking), I'm changing my goals for the week to just two basic goals. Track my Points and stay within my limit. I've been making this a lot harder than it has to be.
Here's something I don't post very often. Me post workout today, where I was a sweaty mess.
Life is like a bike ride - up a very steep hill
AppId is over the quota
AppId is over the quota
type='html'>Yesterday I went for a bike ride in a nearby neighborhood that I've never been to before. I ended up on an extremely steep street as it wound down to the waterfront. Halfway down the hill I decided to stop and take a video (which didn't turn out).
When I was ready to take off again, I looked at how steep the hill was going down, I decided there was no way I could do it. I had a fear of flipping over head first. I'm use to hills, but this one was a suicide hill. I decided to turn around and head back up the hill. The problem, the hill was just as steep going up it as it was going down.
There were houses on one side and the waterfront on the other side. I kept thinking maybe there were people inside the houses watching me. My pride wouldn't let me push my bike up the hill. I thought I'm strong and powerful, I can do it.
After six failed attempts at getting my bike started back up the hill, after coming close to falling over and crashing to the pavement, I finally realized I couldn't do it. I couldn't bike up this hill starting at the mid-point. I swallowed my pride and pushed my bike up the hill. It was humiliating, but I had no other choice.
On my way home I starting thinking my bike ride is exactly how my weight loss has been for my entire life. Sometimes I just fly up the hills, sometimes I just can't do it and I fall, over and over I'll fall. My pride gets hurt, I'm humiliated with weight gains, and I finally, I just give up.
Right now I'm practically coasting downhill with my weight loss. I'm going through one of those "this is so damn easy, why was I struggling" phases. I'm smart enough to know the easy button won't last forever. It never does.
So why is my weight loss different this time? Why is this ride different than the other hundred plus times I've done this?
Number one is you. Yes, the you that is reading this right now. I feel like I owe you something, that I want you to know this can be done.
I'm just like you, I have a major problem with food. I love food a little too much, and it's been too big of a focus in my life. I use it for comfort and I use it for joy. I've struggled my entire life trying to get to a healthy weight and stay there. I want to prove to you it can be done by eating healthy, regular foods. I want to give you hope.
I know how hard it is to lose weight, I've been doing it since I was fourteen. I'm fifty-four. That's forty years of trying to lose weight. You would think with all that practice I would have figured it out. The fact is I'm great at losing weight. I've lost hundreds of pounds over the years. My problem is that I've never kept the weight off for more than a year. I bet you're sitting there nodding your head yes, and thinking "me too!".
I want to show you this is possible. Believe me when I say this...if I can lose weight and keep it off, anyone can do it. Since I'm someone that's failed at this numerous times, it's logical that I'll fail at it again. Yet, I have confidence this time is different from all the other times. I'm not being cocky, and I'm not feeling like I'm superior or I have secret knowledge on how to do this. Or that I'm stronger or more disciplined than anyone else. In fact, just the opposite is true. I'm kind of lazy, I have no discipline, and my follow through on most things suck. Yet I truly believe I can do this, and I believe you can too.
There are some other things that are different this time around. It has a to do with my eating, how and what I'm eating. I have a post started which I'll publish later this week. I don't know if it'll help anyone else but it's working for me. Again, it's not secret information or any new revelation. It's just something I've been trying for the last three weeks that has kind of changed my life.
Speaking of bike rides, I think I'll go for one while the sun is still shining.
My weighin Saturday, March 28, 2010
I set the goal of 170 six weeks ago. I didn't quite make it, but close enough. I'm also losing a little faster than desired these last two weeks. The week before last I lost 3.2 pounds and then this week 2.8 pounds. That's a total of six pounds in two weeks. I was "talked to" by the weighin gal and then the Weight Watchers online weight tracker gave me a warning that I'm losing too fast.
I eat all the time (every three hours when I'm awake), but my night binges are under control. Plus I'm sleeping more these days, seven to eight hours a night.
Goal for next week, April 3, is 169.6.
My most favorite store
Of course it's a grocery store, what else would be my favorite store?! It's not just any store, it's HMart. I'm in love with this place. It's like a super store of Asian markets. It's huge.
It's a Korean store, but they carry all different kinds of Asian food and some American food too. The best part is their fresh produce section. It's unbelievable. For example, they have six different types of bok choy. The produce guys, who are all Korean, speak perfect English. The produce section is so huge they usually have four guys working in that area, putting out fresh produce. It's like a huge adventure every time I go there.
I wanted to take pictures because it's so amazing, but it turns out grocery stores have a rule of not taking pictures inside their stores. I got into big trouble at the Metropolitan Market in Seattle a couple weeks ago. I thought the guy was going to take my camera away from me. Stupid rule.
If you have an HMart near you, you absolutely must go visit it. It's always strange to me that there are so few Caucasians in this store. I was a towering blond amongst a sea of dark-haired, petite people. The variety of their produce and seafood is beyond amazing. I so love this store!
AppId is over the quota
type='html'>Yesterday I went for a bike ride in a nearby neighborhood that I've never been to before. I ended up on an extremely steep street as it wound down to the waterfront. Halfway down the hill I decided to stop and take a video (which didn't turn out).
When I was ready to take off again, I looked at how steep the hill was going down, I decided there was no way I could do it. I had a fear of flipping over head first. I'm use to hills, but this one was a suicide hill. I decided to turn around and head back up the hill. The problem, the hill was just as steep going up it as it was going down.
There were houses on one side and the waterfront on the other side. I kept thinking maybe there were people inside the houses watching me. My pride wouldn't let me push my bike up the hill. I thought I'm strong and powerful, I can do it.
After six failed attempts at getting my bike started back up the hill, after coming close to falling over and crashing to the pavement, I finally realized I couldn't do it. I couldn't bike up this hill starting at the mid-point. I swallowed my pride and pushed my bike up the hill. It was humiliating, but I had no other choice.
On my way home I starting thinking my bike ride is exactly how my weight loss has been for my entire life. Sometimes I just fly up the hills, sometimes I just can't do it and I fall, over and over I'll fall. My pride gets hurt, I'm humiliated with weight gains, and I finally, I just give up.
Right now I'm practically coasting downhill with my weight loss. I'm going through one of those "this is so damn easy, why was I struggling" phases. I'm smart enough to know the easy button won't last forever. It never does.
So why is my weight loss different this time? Why is this ride different than the other hundred plus times I've done this?
Number one is you. Yes, the you that is reading this right now. I feel like I owe you something, that I want you to know this can be done.
I'm just like you, I have a major problem with food. I love food a little too much, and it's been too big of a focus in my life. I use it for comfort and I use it for joy. I've struggled my entire life trying to get to a healthy weight and stay there. I want to prove to you it can be done by eating healthy, regular foods. I want to give you hope.
I know how hard it is to lose weight, I've been doing it since I was fourteen. I'm fifty-four. That's forty years of trying to lose weight. You would think with all that practice I would have figured it out. The fact is I'm great at losing weight. I've lost hundreds of pounds over the years. My problem is that I've never kept the weight off for more than a year. I bet you're sitting there nodding your head yes, and thinking "me too!".
I want to show you this is possible. Believe me when I say this...if I can lose weight and keep it off, anyone can do it. Since I'm someone that's failed at this numerous times, it's logical that I'll fail at it again. Yet, I have confidence this time is different from all the other times. I'm not being cocky, and I'm not feeling like I'm superior or I have secret knowledge on how to do this. Or that I'm stronger or more disciplined than anyone else. In fact, just the opposite is true. I'm kind of lazy, I have no discipline, and my follow through on most things suck. Yet I truly believe I can do this, and I believe you can too.
There are some other things that are different this time around. It has a to do with my eating, how and what I'm eating. I have a post started which I'll publish later this week. I don't know if it'll help anyone else but it's working for me. Again, it's not secret information or any new revelation. It's just something I've been trying for the last three weeks that has kind of changed my life.
Speaking of bike rides, I think I'll go for one while the sun is still shining.
My weighin Saturday, March 28, 2010
I set the goal of 170 six weeks ago. I didn't quite make it, but close enough. I'm also losing a little faster than desired these last two weeks. The week before last I lost 3.2 pounds and then this week 2.8 pounds. That's a total of six pounds in two weeks. I was "talked to" by the weighin gal and then the Weight Watchers online weight tracker gave me a warning that I'm losing too fast.
I eat all the time (every three hours when I'm awake), but my night binges are under control. Plus I'm sleeping more these days, seven to eight hours a night.
Goal for next week, April 3, is 169.6.
My most favorite store
Of course it's a grocery store, what else would be my favorite store?! It's not just any store, it's HMart. I'm in love with this place. It's like a super store of Asian markets. It's huge.
It's a Korean store, but they carry all different kinds of Asian food and some American food too. The best part is their fresh produce section. It's unbelievable. For example, they have six different types of bok choy. The produce guys, who are all Korean, speak perfect English. The produce section is so huge they usually have four guys working in that area, putting out fresh produce. It's like a huge adventure every time I go there.
I wanted to take pictures because it's so amazing, but it turns out grocery stores have a rule of not taking pictures inside their stores. I got into big trouble at the Metropolitan Market in Seattle a couple weeks ago. I thought the guy was going to take my camera away from me. Stupid rule.
If you have an HMart near you, you absolutely must go visit it. It's always strange to me that there are so few Caucasians in this store. I was a towering blond amongst a sea of dark-haired, petite people. The variety of their produce and seafood is beyond amazing. I so love this store!
A few of my purchases yesterday (that's yucca in the middle - I'm making a Cuban dish with it tonight)
The neighbor cat, Bear. He's kind of in love with me. If I leave anything of mine laying anywhere, he curls up with it and goes to sleep. This was my iPod strap left on the bed. He curled up with it wrapped in his paw and went to sleep. He does the same thing with my clothes or my robe or my purse. Anything of mine, but not my husband's stuff. Which is odd because my husband is the one that keeps letting him in the house. I keep telling him to go home. Although he is pretty darn adorable.
Housewifery extravaganza
AppId is over the quota
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type='html'>I have thoroughly enjoyed today. Check out my days fruitage:
1 Fabulous 23 litre Presto Pressure Canner (drooooooling) ready to go!
12 Jars of Baked beans in tomato sauce ready for blast off in the wonder canner
Whilst waiting for the canner to finish (90 mins at 15psi) a batch of shortbread
12 cans of Pasteurised baked beans ready to go in the cupboard
My MSG free pantry filled with baked beans and also a couple of jars of pasta sauce.
Was a really excellent day. I spent the majority cooking, but I was enjoying it. canning isn't something you need to do all the time. 12 cans of beans will last me a month and a half, so I will do it all again then. It was my canner's first run, and she held up really well. It was quite scary, but easy, and I only had 1 can that failed to seal, so I ate it! HA HA.
the shortbread is excellent. Its really not diet friendly, but soooooo easy and nice that it would be a shame not to mention it. 4oz butter, 2 oz icing sugar and 8 oz plain flour. Cream fat and sugar, then mix in the flour. squeeze and kneed it with your hands until it sticks together in a clump (at first you think that it will NEVER stick ever, but it does). Then roll out and cut with a shape and bake at 180 degrees C for 12 to 15 mins.
Today's food has been good. I had some baked bean sauce with a slice of fresh baked bread and butter (Mmmmmmmm) and then for dinner I had savory mince in gravy with peas, carrots and roast potato. I also had 1 can of my beans. Yum.
The mince I made was not particularly appetizing to look at because there was no OXO. I fried the mince, then drained off the fat, added an onion and 1/2pt of meat stock I had made a while ago and frozen. Then I cooked it for a while. I added salt, pepper, whole grain mustard and some peas and it tasted great. I added cornflour towards the end to thicken the sauce and it was scrumptious... it just looked a bit anemic. However, that was just what it looked like! It tasted delish! How very random. It was very filling too which was good. I dry roasted the potatoes (without fat) and they were crispy and nice too. Nothing like a bit of lard though is there!! Lard does potatoes like nothing else. I love 'em. I didn't have any lard today though and I hate potatoes roasted (or more boiled) in oil. Yuk. They are always greasy.
So off to bed now.
AppId is over the quota
type='html'>I have thoroughly enjoyed today. Check out my days fruitage:
2 Loaves of Bread
1 Fabulous 23 litre Presto Pressure Canner (drooooooling) ready to go!
12 Jars of Baked beans in tomato sauce ready for blast off in the wonder canner
Whilst waiting for the canner to finish (90 mins at 15psi) a batch of shortbread
12 cans of Pasteurised baked beans ready to go in the cupboard
My MSG free pantry filled with baked beans and also a couple of jars of pasta sauce.
the shortbread is excellent. Its really not diet friendly, but soooooo easy and nice that it would be a shame not to mention it. 4oz butter, 2 oz icing sugar and 8 oz plain flour. Cream fat and sugar, then mix in the flour. squeeze and kneed it with your hands until it sticks together in a clump (at first you think that it will NEVER stick ever, but it does). Then roll out and cut with a shape and bake at 180 degrees C for 12 to 15 mins.
Today's food has been good. I had some baked bean sauce with a slice of fresh baked bread and butter (Mmmmmmmm) and then for dinner I had savory mince in gravy with peas, carrots and roast potato. I also had 1 can of my beans. Yum.
The mince I made was not particularly appetizing to look at because there was no OXO. I fried the mince, then drained off the fat, added an onion and 1/2pt of meat stock I had made a while ago and frozen. Then I cooked it for a while. I added salt, pepper, whole grain mustard and some peas and it tasted great. I added cornflour towards the end to thicken the sauce and it was scrumptious... it just looked a bit anemic. However, that was just what it looked like! It tasted delish! How very random. It was very filling too which was good. I dry roasted the potatoes (without fat) and they were crispy and nice too. Nothing like a bit of lard though is there!! Lard does potatoes like nothing else. I love 'em. I didn't have any lard today though and I hate potatoes roasted (or more boiled) in oil. Yuk. They are always greasy.
So off to bed now.
YES - LOWEST WEIGHT EVER!
AppId is over the quota
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type='html'>I have DONE it!
Ya ya ya ya ya ya ya!
Today I weighed (many times just incase)
16 stone and 2 pounds
AWESOME
The lowest I have ever been with my band is 16 stone 3 pounds. That was on 16th May Last year. Wow, this makes me feel completely awesome.
Its absolutely GREAT to be in Uncharted Waters again. There is something awful about trudging the same couple of stone up and down and up and down over a few years. It makes you feel really useless.
There is no doubt now people, MY BAND IS WORKING!
LONG LIVE THE BAND
Ok, the last couple of days...
Went to Mum and Dads yesterday. Had a really cool time and a good laugh. I ate the following:
Banana
Nutrigrain bar
small pot of mini eggs
few more of DS's mini eggs
half a chocolate egg
packet of hula hoops
chicken curry and rice
Not good, but the calories were actually reasonably low at 1200.
I know that its calories that count at the end of the day, but it still makes me feel like a greedy pig when I eat chocolate. I didn't exactly have anything else! However, I don't want to be someone who subsists on a mars bar and a coffee for lunch. What with Dad having Bowel cancer I think it brings home that I don't want to eat junk any more. I really felt grim yesterday evening and drank several glasses of water throughout the night. I am just not used to that much crap any more I guess.
Anyway, today has not been any better to be honest. Its been a bit of a rubbish day and we have been rushed off our feet. Shopping, hair dying, and again because it was DREADFUL, etc etc.
I didn't have breakfast as I wasn't hungry at all. We had lunch at KFC. I ate 4/5ths of a twister and gave up after that. I kept it all down which I am glad about, as I ate really really carefully. I was still eating when everyone was finished and DS was eating his ice cream! A normal KFC meal for me would be 2 twisters, large fries and a large drink and an ice cream. That's what the band does folks! WICKED HUH!!!!!
Then there was the hair disaster. I have obviously been black haired for a while. I get bored easily, so I decided to go back to blonde, or brown or something... anything! I put a whole heap of bleach on my mop and left it there. When it had cooked for about 40 minutes and I had washed it out, I revealed a delicate shade of violent orange.
Seriously you could NOT get this style in a hairdressers. I had a black fringe with white (YES WHITE) roots, orange back of the head with scarlet streaks and a mixture of orange and flame coloured patches interspersed with black highlights. My whole head had about 0.5 cm of WHITE roots. Its was AWFUL. It also felt like a birds nest!!
So I died it another colour... I realised that it had an ash hint in it too late, but actually its not so bad. Its kind of a pinky brown... Hmmm But at least its not on fire any more.
I still have black highlights which actually look really radical... Might have those again!
Right, see yaz folks
AppId is over the quota
type='html'>I have DONE it!
Ya ya ya ya ya ya ya!
Today I weighed (many times just incase)
16 stone and 2 pounds
AWESOME
The lowest I have ever been with my band is 16 stone 3 pounds. That was on 16th May Last year. Wow, this makes me feel completely awesome.
Its absolutely GREAT to be in Uncharted Waters again. There is something awful about trudging the same couple of stone up and down and up and down over a few years. It makes you feel really useless.
There is no doubt now people, MY BAND IS WORKING!
LONG LIVE THE BAND
Ok, the last couple of days...
Went to Mum and Dads yesterday. Had a really cool time and a good laugh. I ate the following:
Banana
Nutrigrain bar
small pot of mini eggs
few more of DS's mini eggs
half a chocolate egg
packet of hula hoops
chicken curry and rice
Not good, but the calories were actually reasonably low at 1200.
I know that its calories that count at the end of the day, but it still makes me feel like a greedy pig when I eat chocolate. I didn't exactly have anything else! However, I don't want to be someone who subsists on a mars bar and a coffee for lunch. What with Dad having Bowel cancer I think it brings home that I don't want to eat junk any more. I really felt grim yesterday evening and drank several glasses of water throughout the night. I am just not used to that much crap any more I guess.
Anyway, today has not been any better to be honest. Its been a bit of a rubbish day and we have been rushed off our feet. Shopping, hair dying, and again because it was DREADFUL, etc etc.
I didn't have breakfast as I wasn't hungry at all. We had lunch at KFC. I ate 4/5ths of a twister and gave up after that. I kept it all down which I am glad about, as I ate really really carefully. I was still eating when everyone was finished and DS was eating his ice cream! A normal KFC meal for me would be 2 twisters, large fries and a large drink and an ice cream. That's what the band does folks! WICKED HUH!!!!!
Then there was the hair disaster. I have obviously been black haired for a while. I get bored easily, so I decided to go back to blonde, or brown or something... anything! I put a whole heap of bleach on my mop and left it there. When it had cooked for about 40 minutes and I had washed it out, I revealed a delicate shade of violent orange.
Seriously you could NOT get this style in a hairdressers. I had a black fringe with white (YES WHITE) roots, orange back of the head with scarlet streaks and a mixture of orange and flame coloured patches interspersed with black highlights. My whole head had about 0.5 cm of WHITE roots. Its was AWFUL. It also felt like a birds nest!!
So I died it another colour... I realised that it had an ash hint in it too late, but actually its not so bad. Its kind of a pinky brown... Hmmm But at least its not on fire any more.
I still have black highlights which actually look really radical... Might have those again!
Right, see yaz folks
Still plugging
AppId is over the quota
AppId is over the quota
type='html'>Not been blogging but still been plugging away in the background :-)
Today the magic scales said 109.5!!!!
Yep, it's coming off at long last!
I love looking at the little weight chart on my ticker when you click it and on my livestrong weightloss chart as it just takes a nosedive since the 1st May.
1st May I weighed 115.7 and today 109.5 so that's 6.2 kgs in 6 weeks!!!
I did my 3rd radio show last Wednesday on 7th June. It still freaks me out I can't believe that I actually did it. My darling husband is so good to me. If he hadn't rang up the show I would never have got this motivation.
I am finding it very easy this time. Each day I stick to my calorie limit set by Livestrong.com (which i think is just brilliant by the way) of 1560 -ish. If I didnt have a band it would be much more difficult for me to stick to this as I think hunger would be a massive problem.
I make sure that I stick to my calorie limit of 1560-ish and never go higher than my resting metabolic rate limit which is 1947.
That's it.
If you haven't tried livestrong, it's now pretty useable free of charge. It helps me keep track of my food, water, exercise and there is a lot of motivational stuff on there too. It also helps you notice what kind of things you are eating by giving you a pie chart of where your calories are coming from and you can then make smarter choices to lower fat and up protein and carbs.
Now, whilst doing this i have also tried not to go too far below my 1560-ish limit because I think that's counterintuitive.
Some days my calories are around 950 so I go out and have a big bar or chocolate, or luxury yoghurt or some Doritos and dip... Anything that gets me up to my lower limit but treats me beyond belief... I feel amazing because I am getting the double dopamine hit of staying on track, but having a controlled pig out too :-)
I know that sticking to 1560-ish will mean I lose weight and that's as simple as it gets.
The lady I'm working with says that I should have all the fluid removed from my band, but I think that without the band being a little bit tight I would suffer some serious hunger pangs and I would not be a very happy bunny!
What I'm actually going to do, is make sure that I have the band tightened as i lose weight and start to feel hunger and then I think the band will be working with my body how its supposed to and i can keep working within my calorie limits onwards to my goal.
The reason I say my calorie limit is 1560-ish is because every time I weigh in on www.livestrong.com, the calorie limit changes.
Four weeks ago it started out as 1590, and each time I weigh in it goes down by a couple of calories here in there.
This is also the reason why I will not have the fluid removed from my band. If I have the Fluid removed from my band, and the calories I am allowed to ingest gets lower and lower I will be out of my mind with hunger.
As I lose weight I will need the band tightened so that I don't get that empty feeling and I can stick to the new and constantly declining lower calorie limits.
BUT, I also know that as I lose weight I would also have advantage of being able to eat more if I moved more.
I think it's reasonable to assume I am not going to carry on losing weight each week without it, and by burning a few calories here and there, it will mean I can eat more as my calorie limit declines.
It's not going to be easy to keep eating less and less even with the help of the band, so that is going to have to happen.
Because of this I have bought another treadmill.
Boy do I wish I hadn't sold the last one!!! This one is not as sturdy or nice to look at and has way less functions than my old one but cost £50 more!!! Mind you I bought the old one 6 or 7 years ago so £50 is not much when you think about it I guess.
So that's what's happening over here ban/diet wise.
Life wise? Normal chaos!
We had a new lodger moving in last Monday. He was splitting from his partner and it was all quite sad. Katie moved out on Sunday afternoon so I spent the rest of the day boiling bedding and pillows and trying to get them dry in this miserable English weather...
Then on the morning he was supposed to move in, he texts me and says "sorry to muck you about, but I have sorted it with the Mrs and won't be needing the room" That was it.
Great.
Great for him, but just great for me too... I turned down 4 others for him :-(
Well annoyed.
I called the others who were interested but they had all found rooms. It took another week to find someone - the longest ever - and the new chap moved in last night. Spanish guy and seems nice so far.
We continue....
AppId is over the quota
type='html'>Not been blogging but still been plugging away in the background :-)
Today the magic scales said 109.5!!!!
Yep, it's coming off at long last!
I love looking at the little weight chart on my ticker when you click it and on my livestrong weightloss chart as it just takes a nosedive since the 1st May.
1st May I weighed 115.7 and today 109.5 so that's 6.2 kgs in 6 weeks!!!
I did my 3rd radio show last Wednesday on 7th June. It still freaks me out I can't believe that I actually did it. My darling husband is so good to me. If he hadn't rang up the show I would never have got this motivation.
I am finding it very easy this time. Each day I stick to my calorie limit set by Livestrong.com (which i think is just brilliant by the way) of 1560 -ish. If I didnt have a band it would be much more difficult for me to stick to this as I think hunger would be a massive problem.
I make sure that I stick to my calorie limit of 1560-ish and never go higher than my resting metabolic rate limit which is 1947.
That's it.
If you haven't tried livestrong, it's now pretty useable free of charge. It helps me keep track of my food, water, exercise and there is a lot of motivational stuff on there too. It also helps you notice what kind of things you are eating by giving you a pie chart of where your calories are coming from and you can then make smarter choices to lower fat and up protein and carbs.
Now, whilst doing this i have also tried not to go too far below my 1560-ish limit because I think that's counterintuitive.
Some days my calories are around 950 so I go out and have a big bar or chocolate, or luxury yoghurt or some Doritos and dip... Anything that gets me up to my lower limit but treats me beyond belief... I feel amazing because I am getting the double dopamine hit of staying on track, but having a controlled pig out too :-)
I know that sticking to 1560-ish will mean I lose weight and that's as simple as it gets.
The lady I'm working with says that I should have all the fluid removed from my band, but I think that without the band being a little bit tight I would suffer some serious hunger pangs and I would not be a very happy bunny!
What I'm actually going to do, is make sure that I have the band tightened as i lose weight and start to feel hunger and then I think the band will be working with my body how its supposed to and i can keep working within my calorie limits onwards to my goal.
The reason I say my calorie limit is 1560-ish is because every time I weigh in on www.livestrong.com, the calorie limit changes.
Four weeks ago it started out as 1590, and each time I weigh in it goes down by a couple of calories here in there.
This is also the reason why I will not have the fluid removed from my band. If I have the Fluid removed from my band, and the calories I am allowed to ingest gets lower and lower I will be out of my mind with hunger.
As I lose weight I will need the band tightened so that I don't get that empty feeling and I can stick to the new and constantly declining lower calorie limits.
BUT, I also know that as I lose weight I would also have advantage of being able to eat more if I moved more.
I think it's reasonable to assume I am not going to carry on losing weight each week without it, and by burning a few calories here and there, it will mean I can eat more as my calorie limit declines.
It's not going to be easy to keep eating less and less even with the help of the band, so that is going to have to happen.
Because of this I have bought another treadmill.
Boy do I wish I hadn't sold the last one!!! This one is not as sturdy or nice to look at and has way less functions than my old one but cost £50 more!!! Mind you I bought the old one 6 or 7 years ago so £50 is not much when you think about it I guess.
So that's what's happening over here ban/diet wise.
Life wise? Normal chaos!
We had a new lodger moving in last Monday. He was splitting from his partner and it was all quite sad. Katie moved out on Sunday afternoon so I spent the rest of the day boiling bedding and pillows and trying to get them dry in this miserable English weather...
Then on the morning he was supposed to move in, he texts me and says "sorry to muck you about, but I have sorted it with the Mrs and won't be needing the room" That was it.
Great.
Great for him, but just great for me too... I turned down 4 others for him :-(
Well annoyed.
I called the others who were interested but they had all found rooms. It took another week to find someone - the longest ever - and the new chap moved in last night. Spanish guy and seems nice so far.
We continue....
Mary Mary where are you kitties?
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AppId is over the quota
type='html'>
AppId is over the quota
type='html'>
The fattest cat I ever did see. My lovely baby Mary is so ready for these kittens now... but she is still hanging onto them! The photo doesn't really catch her best side, but its like someone inflated a balloon in there!
She has chosen the most random of places to recline. she is pictured here sprawled on the bathroom floor right under the sink. Nothing like convenience for you. She waddles from the bathroom sleeping place to the landing sleeping place. However, today, as I was making the beds, I did catch her in the little box we made for her though... So we are STILL playing the waiting game. I really want to see those 'nit-nits' so bad now! Its so exciting - what will they be, how many, what colours etc...
Diet wise... Nothing exciting to report. Went to fat fighters (aka slimmingworld) yesterday. I weighed in at 15 stone 12. No surprises there then. What was great though, was the fact that practically all the same old people were there. A couple had got drastically slimmer, and another couple fatter. But they ALL commented on how I was looking and were like "Oh! Hello... wow, like the hair... seems to be a lot less of you too!" Which I wasn't expecting, so that was a really lovely boost to my day.
Foodwise today has not been fabulous. I crunched up 5 peanut m&m's and then had to puke them up again. then for lunch I made a jacket potato with curry sauce. Eat a bit then puked it and chucked the rest away. For dinner I made waffles, beans and egg. I eat 3/4 waffle, 1 egg and a few beans... VERY slowly. So far, no spew.
This seems to becoming a habit for me. Every day last week has been dreadful in the mornings and afternoons, but ok come the evening.
On the home front, Maria and Xandra left today. They told us on Friday that they had found a job in a holiday camp on the seaside, so I took them to the station this morning. I really hope they get on ok... I know these places are sometimes a bit hard to pin down on the payment side of things... That said, so is DH's new boss. We should have been paid last Friday 25th. Then he said he got tied up, so he would see us yesterday. Didn't happen. He said he would meet up Wednesday, but I told DH that unfortunately that was NOT OK, and he rang him and he said he would come over today. Still waiting. How can you work for someone for a whole month and then not pay them??? This is seriously doing my head in. The mortgage comes out tomorrow. Thankfully his redundancy covers it, but next month... Hard to trust someone who never does what they say they do.
So I am stressing just a TINY BIT!
I hope my arm doesn't rot and fall off
AppId is over the quota
AppId is over the quota
type='html'>Sorry about my continuous complaints about my cast and being one-handed. I know I'm being over dramatic, but I've never had a cast or a broken anything. I kind of hate it.
Every time I whine about some inconvenience of this cast I think of the woman that had her face, eyes, and hands eaten by a chimp Which for some reason that day it was on the news last week I couldn't say the word chimp. I kept saying "shrimp". "Did you hear about the woman that had her face eaten off by a shrimp? I mean shrimp! No, c-h-i-m-p!" It was like I had a stroke or something. Really weird (and maybe a tiny bit funny if such an event can be funny).
Sorry about all the typos in my last few posts. I need to remember spell check!
Now, back to my whining...
The cast drama
I'm trying not to sweat when I go for my walks or go to the gym, but it's impossible! To get my heart rate up to 120-130, which is actually sort of low, I sweat. Normally this is a good thing but my cast is getting super gross. Right now it's wet, sticky and clammy inside. I wake up in the middle of the night and want to rip it off. Then I remember, it's attached to my arm for the next three weeks.
I keep imagining some yucky, stinky fungus growing inside of it. It comes off in three weeks for x-rays but the doctor said the best case scenario is my arm will go back in a cast for two more months. Worst case, surgery (which horrifies me). I'm praying for a one-month miracle.
In other sad news I had a conversation with a trainer at Bally's today (my regular gym). He told me if I have a cast for three months, my arm will shrink 30-40%. Yikes! To build it back up, it will take two months of hard work (exercise) for each month I have the cast on to get it back to where it was before the cast. Another "yikes!".
He did agree that I should keep working out the good arm. I'll be out of balance and freakish looking for a while, but there's not much I can do about it.
Not cured of my food issues but I'm better
Since I started wearing my BodyMedia almost 24/7 and then my accident about a week later, my eating is "almost" under control. I say "almost" because I've been logging every bite and have stayed right around 1500 calories, which is how much I think I should be eating.
BodyMedia thinks I should be eating 1900. That would probably work if I could get in some "vigorous" activity, but that's not happening much these days when I'm trying not to sweat a lot. When they say vigorous that's with a heart rate in the 140s. Not happening.
It's not that I've lost interest in food, I definitely still enjoy it. It seems like when I cut out most sugar right after I got the BodyMedia, that it really helped me get control of my cravings. This is nothing new to me. I've known this was my problem for years, sugar, either processed or too much fruit is my kryptonite. So why is it always such a surprise to me that if I stop eating sugar the cravings subside? I do not have the answer to that question. Selective memory I guess.
Unfortunately Sunday I bought a big box of Yasso frozen Greek yogurt bars (Costco). They're good, but not so delicious that I'd want to eat the whole box (or so I thought). 11 grams of sugar per bar and 70 calories (Dreyers fruit bars are 20 grams of sugar each--too much!).
I ate four Yassos in one sitting last night, AND then three servings of fresh crab (Costco again - 70 calories a serving) AND a perfectly ripe mango (another 160 calories). Total late night snack, 650 calories. I think that's called a binge. Total for the day was 1971 calories. My first binge since July 27.
I guess as long as I learned something from last night it's sort of okay (not really, but I'm working on accepting myself as the flawed human that I am). The lesson is don't eat any sugar late at night. Pretty basic rule. Veggies or protein are okay. Sugar and carbs at 11pm, not okay.
Great recipe
From MizFit's Sunday post - Apple-Bacon-Chicken. It's been my dinner the last two nights. Delicious! I had a few substitutions - Canadian bacon, instead of regular bacon, no oil other than a little Pam, Greek yogurt with a spicy sweet mustard, and a little Stevia. Served over a bed of spinach. Also the apples were organic Fuji's. Sort of a pain to make with one hand, but worth it....so good.
AppId is over the quota
type='html'>Sorry about my continuous complaints about my cast and being one-handed. I know I'm being over dramatic, but I've never had a cast or a broken anything. I kind of hate it.
Every time I whine about some inconvenience of this cast I think of the woman that had her face, eyes, and hands eaten by a chimp Which for some reason that day it was on the news last week I couldn't say the word chimp. I kept saying "shrimp". "Did you hear about the woman that had her face eaten off by a shrimp? I mean shrimp! No, c-h-i-m-p!" It was like I had a stroke or something. Really weird (and maybe a tiny bit funny if such an event can be funny).
Sorry about all the typos in my last few posts. I need to remember spell check!
Now, back to my whining...
The cast drama
I'm trying not to sweat when I go for my walks or go to the gym, but it's impossible! To get my heart rate up to 120-130, which is actually sort of low, I sweat. Normally this is a good thing but my cast is getting super gross. Right now it's wet, sticky and clammy inside. I wake up in the middle of the night and want to rip it off. Then I remember, it's attached to my arm for the next three weeks.
I keep imagining some yucky, stinky fungus growing inside of it. It comes off in three weeks for x-rays but the doctor said the best case scenario is my arm will go back in a cast for two more months. Worst case, surgery (which horrifies me). I'm praying for a one-month miracle.
In other sad news I had a conversation with a trainer at Bally's today (my regular gym). He told me if I have a cast for three months, my arm will shrink 30-40%. Yikes! To build it back up, it will take two months of hard work (exercise) for each month I have the cast on to get it back to where it was before the cast. Another "yikes!".
He did agree that I should keep working out the good arm. I'll be out of balance and freakish looking for a while, but there's not much I can do about it.
Not cured of my food issues but I'm better
Since I started wearing my BodyMedia almost 24/7 and then my accident about a week later, my eating is "almost" under control. I say "almost" because I've been logging every bite and have stayed right around 1500 calories, which is how much I think I should be eating.
BodyMedia thinks I should be eating 1900. That would probably work if I could get in some "vigorous" activity, but that's not happening much these days when I'm trying not to sweat a lot. When they say vigorous that's with a heart rate in the 140s. Not happening.
It's not that I've lost interest in food, I definitely still enjoy it. It seems like when I cut out most sugar right after I got the BodyMedia, that it really helped me get control of my cravings. This is nothing new to me. I've known this was my problem for years, sugar, either processed or too much fruit is my kryptonite. So why is it always such a surprise to me that if I stop eating sugar the cravings subside? I do not have the answer to that question. Selective memory I guess.
Unfortunately Sunday I bought a big box of Yasso frozen Greek yogurt bars (Costco). They're good, but not so delicious that I'd want to eat the whole box (or so I thought). 11 grams of sugar per bar and 70 calories (Dreyers fruit bars are 20 grams of sugar each--too much!).
I ate four Yassos in one sitting last night, AND then three servings of fresh crab (Costco again - 70 calories a serving) AND a perfectly ripe mango (another 160 calories). Total late night snack, 650 calories. I think that's called a binge. Total for the day was 1971 calories. My first binge since July 27.
I guess as long as I learned something from last night it's sort of okay (not really, but I'm working on accepting myself as the flawed human that I am). The lesson is don't eat any sugar late at night. Pretty basic rule. Veggies or protein are okay. Sugar and carbs at 11pm, not okay.
Great recipe
From MizFit's Sunday post - Apple-Bacon-Chicken. It's been my dinner the last two nights. Delicious! I had a few substitutions - Canadian bacon, instead of regular bacon, no oil other than a little Pam, Greek yogurt with a spicy sweet mustard, and a little Stevia. Served over a bed of spinach. Also the apples were organic Fuji's. Sort of a pain to make with one hand, but worth it....so good.
Another day on my journey
AppId is over the quota
AppId is over the quota
type='html'>Breakfast: 100g granola with apple and blackberries, and skimmed milk
Lunch: 85g of boiled pasta (this is half of a standard portion), passata and 5g of Parmesan
Dinner: 2 potato croquettes, 1/4 cheese and onion quiche and green beans.
1200 cals.
It is a heavy day because of the Granola which was over 350 cals on its own. I needed it though as I have done a spring clean (not sure if its late, or early...?) on the house. I even washed the shower curtain!
Today I did ALL the washing (6 loads) and all the drying and my whole house smells like lenor. I am currently on the last load, which is just a massive quilt... I cant seem to get it dry so I am going to drape it over some chairs next to the radiator in the hope that it will.
I have done so much housework today, I actually got up a sweat. I don't think I have ever had sweat dripping off me before. I really felt the need to CLEAN and be CLEANSED.
Everything is lovely, every room and it took me all day long. *blows fringe out of eyes*
My port area feels pretty fine considering. Its quite sore actually from where I had the crash (seat belt injury I think) but other than that its fine. I know everything's still connected which is my main worry! I didn't have a choke today, but I was really hungry at about 4 when I realised I had missed my lunch, so I started to eat my pasta too quickly, and I felt it. I let it rest and then I could finish my meal. As it was I only ate half of the plate. Cool.
I have noticed I am better having a big breakfast rather than a big dinner. This may seem obvious, but one doesn't get this size without having a few rogue eating problems, and one of mine was definitely eating late. It still is to be honest, but I don't have a lot of choice in that respect, but I DO have a choice of what I eat at this time. I am finding that in the evening I am not actually that hungry. I eat my dinner, don't get me wrong, but I am not starving like I use to be. Things seem to have turned around... I am hungry in the morning (never used to be) so I seem to be having granola or porridge and stuff quite a bit more than I ever used to.
Today's excitement?
We have our lodger arriving tonight. YAY. Money!
She is arriving at the airport and we are picking her up and she will be with us till the beginning of March. She is coming to do a course for 3 months as shes only 18 and her Mum and Dad thought she would be better renting a room with a family rather than be on her own. Seems like a nice girl. We shall see!
Other than that, I found out my new car is classed as a disabled car for taxation, so I have to trek all the way to a DVLA office to change the taxation class on it before I can get my tax. Why is NOTHING in my life just easy?
Another little loose snagged thread in the tapestry of my life is that I found out today I cannot drive other peoples cars under my insurance policy. Every other policy I have EVER had I have been able to do this. But no, apparently not. So this means I cannot use my friend's car that she so kindly said I could borrow until mine is taxed etc. It was only brought to my attention today and I have had the policy for 11 months!!! So I am as immobile today as I was yesterday, and I might as well not bother taxing the car until next week as then its a new month.
I am trying to think of something cool that happened today to balance it all out, but nothing springs to mind. That's life!
AppId is over the quota
type='html'>Breakfast: 100g granola with apple and blackberries, and skimmed milk
Lunch: 85g of boiled pasta (this is half of a standard portion), passata and 5g of Parmesan
Dinner: 2 potato croquettes, 1/4 cheese and onion quiche and green beans.
1200 cals.
It is a heavy day because of the Granola which was over 350 cals on its own. I needed it though as I have done a spring clean (not sure if its late, or early...?) on the house. I even washed the shower curtain!
Today I did ALL the washing (6 loads) and all the drying and my whole house smells like lenor. I am currently on the last load, which is just a massive quilt... I cant seem to get it dry so I am going to drape it over some chairs next to the radiator in the hope that it will.
I have done so much housework today, I actually got up a sweat. I don't think I have ever had sweat dripping off me before. I really felt the need to CLEAN and be CLEANSED.
Everything is lovely, every room and it took me all day long. *blows fringe out of eyes*
My port area feels pretty fine considering. Its quite sore actually from where I had the crash (seat belt injury I think) but other than that its fine. I know everything's still connected which is my main worry! I didn't have a choke today, but I was really hungry at about 4 when I realised I had missed my lunch, so I started to eat my pasta too quickly, and I felt it. I let it rest and then I could finish my meal. As it was I only ate half of the plate. Cool.
I have noticed I am better having a big breakfast rather than a big dinner. This may seem obvious, but one doesn't get this size without having a few rogue eating problems, and one of mine was definitely eating late. It still is to be honest, but I don't have a lot of choice in that respect, but I DO have a choice of what I eat at this time. I am finding that in the evening I am not actually that hungry. I eat my dinner, don't get me wrong, but I am not starving like I use to be. Things seem to have turned around... I am hungry in the morning (never used to be) so I seem to be having granola or porridge and stuff quite a bit more than I ever used to.
Today's excitement?
We have our lodger arriving tonight. YAY. Money!
She is arriving at the airport and we are picking her up and she will be with us till the beginning of March. She is coming to do a course for 3 months as shes only 18 and her Mum and Dad thought she would be better renting a room with a family rather than be on her own. Seems like a nice girl. We shall see!
Other than that, I found out my new car is classed as a disabled car for taxation, so I have to trek all the way to a DVLA office to change the taxation class on it before I can get my tax. Why is NOTHING in my life just easy?
Another little loose snagged thread in the tapestry of my life is that I found out today I cannot drive other peoples cars under my insurance policy. Every other policy I have EVER had I have been able to do this. But no, apparently not. So this means I cannot use my friend's car that she so kindly said I could borrow until mine is taxed etc. It was only brought to my attention today and I have had the policy for 11 months!!! So I am as immobile today as I was yesterday, and I might as well not bother taxing the car until next week as then its a new month.
I am trying to think of something cool that happened today to balance it all out, but nothing springs to mind. That's life!
Day 6: Still here
AppId is over the quota
AppId is over the quota
type='html'>I'm taking the day off from posting. I realized today I've been a little too much into myself lately and I've fallen behind on reading all my favorite blogs. My goal tonight is to catch up on everyone else. I'll be back soon.
A few pictures from my walk today:
This one made me turn around and go back to my car. I was starting to feel lost when I saw this, and I was by myself.
AppId is over the quota
type='html'>I'm taking the day off from posting. I realized today I've been a little too much into myself lately and I've fallen behind on reading all my favorite blogs. My goal tonight is to catch up on everyone else. I'll be back soon.
A few pictures from my walk today:
This one made me turn around and go back to my car. I was starting to feel lost when I saw this, and I was by myself.
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